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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Long-time married, here, and very much in love with each other still…

fyi we definitely had a rough patch when kids were born and little; soooo hard.  It will get better.  (if you can afford it, get a cleaning service 1x week or every other week)

I heard the BEST piece of advice:  "Make your husband want to come home."  It changed our marriage.

I realized that the second my DH walked in, I was giving him the second shift.  I had the honey-do list…I was no fun--we were no fun--to come home to.  He'd probably have a little more peace if he stayed at the office later, since the office hours were over and he could zone out...

Small example:  In my particular situation, I have a DH who hates home repair and of course I had a pile of home repair items.  After hearing that advice I did the home repair myself or hired someone.  Money well spent.  DH hasn't seen the inside of Home Depot in YEARS now.

I just started thinking about what environment would make him long to leave his very interesting job and come home, and I started changing our home, and me.  It's hard because you're tired and all that, and feels a bit unfair, and it takes a while to take effect, but it does work.  He's told me so!  Ha!  He got into a habit of calling and saying, "I could do x y and z, or I could come home…" just waiting for me to say, "oh! come on home! you know I love seeing you, and if you have to bring a little work home with you, I'll give you your space."  I think that phone call is sort of testing the waters, to see that I'm really that oasis from his job (instead of the grouchy wife).

Good luck, OP (and I'm glad you realize you're just in the thick of the storm.  Hold Fast!)[/quote]

Thank you for such a thoughtful response.

I do want to be my husbands joy. But, I find myself often times being that grouchy wife. When he calls, sometimes he is the ONLY adult I have spoken to all day but my words aren't the nicest. I'm complaining mostly. I have tried to look at the phone, see his number on the caller ID and not answer right away so that I can have a couple of seconds to put on my not-tired-as-hell-overwhelmed-bitchy-SAHM voice.

And, like you said, I do realize where we are. I see so many just give up. I wish I had a woman to turn to and talk but all the friends I had are just starting their marriages or don't have children yet. We started early so not many can relate.

Thanks again! [/quote]

OP, I think the smartest thing you could do is seek out and find an older female "mentor" of sorts who could be a sounding board for you. You are very young to have this much responsibility and you will find that few of us here on DCUM can relate to being married at 17 and having 4 kids by your mid-twenties.  Do you go to church? Often there, you will find marriage groups, couples groups, etc. that will actively work to support you  and your DH -- alone and together -- in growing in your marriage. [/quote]

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