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[quote=Anonymous]My BIL (DH's brother) is 31 and descending further and further into a kind of New Age madness. He's been aimless since a teen and has in the past couple of years discovered their cult-y thing about the "ascension" and white light and altering your DNA. He thinks he can bend spoons with his mind and remove flouride from water by touching the glass. He's entirely narcissistic and wants to talk only about his cobbled-together belief system, why you should hop on the train with him, and how you will know no happiness until you do so. It's not just annoying it's also frightening. His FB posts have gotten increasingly bizarre and troublesome. He is chronically unemployed and getting SSI for some condition MIL either doesnt know or won't disclose, she only says he has "bad mood swings." He refuses meds, if this is the case. She is in complete denial about the fact that he is getting more and more unstable. We see him once a year at Christmas and last year was almost unbearable. I was so nervous I kept the kids in one bedroom with me and locked the door at night. This year promises to be worse, based on the crazy FB stuff and DH's conversations with him, in which BIL gets defensive and attacks DH of DH says something as innocuous as, "Can we talk about something else?" I recently read an article about cults, and a lot of the language he uses, as well as his behavior, seemed similar. Not saying he's in a cult, but it gave me pause.

So here's my issue: we always visit ILs for the holidays, either before or after depending on various factors. DH has other siblings who we want to see--they love a distance and we look forward to the kids seeing them, too. Neither DH or I wants to see BIL. His appearance is alarming; he has no idea what kind of subjects are appropriate in front of little kids, and his presents are frightening and crazy. And, without fail, there is some big epic meltdown with the parents--he essentially blames them for every "misery" he has encountered and all the "bad energy" he has experienced. IL's are not perfect, but this is way over the top. He has no filter when this happens. My older son is now of an age where he most definitely will understand what is being said, from the preachy-crazy sh*t to the super-drama. It's just AWFUL. We want to avoid telling MIL that we want to plan out visit around BIL, to spare her feelings but also because I have NO DOUBT she will tell him this. My question is: should we just be honest with her anyway? We know other siblings' travel plans but are waiting to hear BIL's. They always book his train tickets because he has no money--and no job, so he should be flexible--so DH wants to just be up front and say, book it so we can work around it. I feel for her, even thought she absolutely feeds this beats literally and figuratively--she is AN ENABLER and her denial causes anxiety for everyone in the family. Sorry for this long post--I am just so sad about this and have tried over the years with DH to get BIL some help and direction in life. There's just so much we can do, but I honestly am afraid of his volatility and do not want my family spending the night in the same house with him. How could I possibly say this out loud???[/quote]

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