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Reply to "its over and I am so sad"

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[quote=Anonymous]An affair doesn't necessarily have to be the end. But, there is no working in the marriage until the affair is over, that's for sure. Best advice after going through this myself: realize what you can't control (him) and control what you can (you). Take care of yourself, be assertive but try not to get too crazy to often (lash out etc.) and surround yourself with support, remember who you are, get therapy for yourself.

Most affairs are about escaping something. Many don't last and the less they have to sacrifice to, the quicker they burn out. So once you are no longer actively standing in the way of them being together, the affair loses its attraction a bit. Affairs are also about regressing in some cases - so not having to sneak around actually takes the wind out of its sails a bit, ironically. I've read many, many books/articles/blogs about people having affairs and this is a common theme. Once they are free to be together, it's not long before they don't really want to be together. It's a bit of temporary insanity and some experts compare them to addiction. Some people aren't interested in rebuilding after they've been cheated on, but you really don't know until you go through it (and you have kids and a history together like you do).[/quote]

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