If you think you might be headed for divorce, my advice is to get evidence of the affair. Yes, hire a PI. Before you do anything consult with a divorce lawyer. You need to know your rights and get an idea of how things will go down the road. Having evidence of the affair can be very helpful for you for working out issues down the road. Please do this for yourself and your kids. Just go talk to a lawyer before you do anything else.

Anonymous wrote:thanks for the input. I think it is an affair. Pretty sure I know with who also. He would NEVER admit this. Not that kind of guy and thinks he is a great lier. It is so transparent. Actually I am not moving out. I will not loose my house to him. I love this home and my children love this home. I am wishing that he will move out. I think after this weekend he may. I told him what I though, of course he denies. But he can't answer me why the withdrawal. He travels a lot with one guy. I have read the text. (he does not know that) there is something going on with them. And shaw seems to be every where we are. Twice when we went out of town, there she was. WTF

wait a minute - so you think he is hooking up with a male friend as well as the female you keep bumping into every time you go on a trip? what was the content of the text to his male friend?

An affair doesn't necessarily have to be the end. But, there is no working in the marriage until the affair is over, that's for sure. Best advice after going through this myself: realize what you can't control (him) and control what you can (you). Take care of yourself, be assertive but try not to get too crazy to often (lash out etc.) and surround yourself with support, remember who you are, get therapy for yourself.

Most affairs are about escaping something. Many don't last and the less they have to sacrifice to, the quicker they burn out. So once you are no longer actively standing in the way of them being together, the affair loses its attraction a bit. Affairs are also about regressing in some cases - so not having to sneak around actually takes the wind out of its sails a bit, ironically. I've read many, many books/articles/blogs about people having affairs and this is a common theme. Once they are free to be together, it's not long before they don't really want to be together. It's a bit of temporary insanity and some experts compare them to addiction. Some people aren't interested in rebuilding after they've been cheated on, but you really don't know until you go through it (and you have kids and a history together like you do).

Tell him you know whats going on and kick him out of the house. Your kids do not need to subjected to a bad marriage like this. Have self-respect and stand up for yourself.

In my case, my ex explicited said he would not move out. So I did. If I didn't my life would be utter hell and he would not have changed at all.

thanks for the input. I think it is an affair. Pretty sure I know with who also. He would NEVER admit this. Not that kind of guy and thinks he is a great lier. It is so transparent. Actually I am not moving out. I will not loose my house to him. I love this home and my children love this home. I am wishing that he will move out. I think after this weekend he may. I told him what I though, of course he denies. But he can't answer me why the withdrawal. He travels a lot with one guy. I have read the text. (he does not know that) there is something going on with them. And shaw seems to be every where we are. Twice when we went out of town, there she was. WTF

Lawyer
Exit plan

Good Luck!

It definitely sounds like there is something going on.

Cheating?
Depressed?

Was this a slow slide or a sudden change?

I don't think you need to see separation as marriage down the drain. Maybe time apart will help to clarify the issue and you can work through it.

Five months is early to throw in the towel.

If a man came on here and said wife has stopped having sex and seems to be pulling away and won't say why so I am leaving her.. there would be lots of recommendations and suggestions for how to work through it.

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like an affair. It's best to face it head on. Best to you.

Anonymous wrote:Life is absolutely better than this. Take the bull by the horns and move out first.

Depending on the state, that could be to your detriment in divorce proceedings. Talk to an attorney first.

Life is absolutely better than this. Take the bull by the horns and move out first.

If you are this distressed and he thinks nothing is wrong, then you have to force the issue, unfortunately.

If he says that, how do you know he's going to move out?

he says there is nothing wrong. I paranoid, insecure…what ever he can call me. I am so done with him. Life should be better than this.

It has only been 5 months? Why not get some marriage counseling?

I know it is over. I feel it in my bones. No sex for 5 months, total disinterest in family. Not sure what happen because when I ask he gets very mad. Not worth fighting over any more. I am tired of living like this. 13 years of marriage down the drain. I feel sure the minute he moves out I will know exactly why he is acting this way.