Reply to Heartbroken: My mother has a terrible relationship with DD. Help?

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[quote=Anonymous]My DD is 3.5, with a twin brother. By all accounts, she is a normal, well-behaved kid (as judged by her teachers, other parents) though she can be stubborn and throws tantrums now and then. She can be very bossy, for sure, and demanding. She is 3 and that seems to be par for the course. Her brother is the world's most easy-going and happy kid, and thus slightly easier to parent.

Now then, my mother favors my son quite directly. She will make passive aggressive comments about how much of a brat or a diva DD is within earshot. She claims she does not do this, but she does. I believe as a direct result, DD doesn't trust my mother and is frosty towards her.

Yesterday we had an incident in which DD told my mother she did not want her coming with us to an activity. I said, fine DD. If you are going to be rude, your grandmother is going to watch your brother's activity instead because you are saying mean things. That seemed like a natural consequence to me.

My mother was appalled and said that she felt I should have come down much harder on DD, and told her she wasn't getting her way. She went on to say that she thinks DD runs our household, that we never say no to her and that she is the most entitled kid she every met. "I worry for your family" I believe was a direct quote.

She was rude. In retrospect I probably should have told DD that if she was going to be rude then she wasn't going to go to the activity at all, but I didn't think of it at the time.

Anyhow, this is a long story, but I don't know what to do. I want my daughter and my mother to be close - but so far I think DD's reactions are due to my mother's judginess. When I explain this to my mother she thinks I am making excuses for poor behavior and that she has been doing nice things for DD, so I am wrong. (Like going to the zoo with the kids and the nanny.)

What should I or can I do? Am I raising a juvenile delinquent? I am just so sad.[/quote]

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