Reply to My elderly dad wants to move in with us...thoughts, advice, and opinions welcome

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[quote=Anonymous]I think your plan for having you all try it out for a month is excellent.

I also think that it's possible that some of the things you think might bother him, or anticipate being hard, might not be so bad.  Kids are loud, but they're also joyous - especially for grandparents.  Maybe the family can't eat together during the week but he could eat w/ the kids and nanny perhaps?  (Though - this is worth discussing w/ the nanny - it's no small thing for him/her to have another adult around all the time.  That could be an issue.)

You can put extra handrails in, or even a stair lift at some point if that became necessary.

Hopefully he would want to build a few local connections also, and if he's accustomed to having friends and a social life he might be more open to that than someone for whom that isn't a norm.

I can tell you that I grew up in a house where my grandfather lived with us for the last 10 or so years of his life.  He was basically bedridden the whole time but fully lucid and participative in family life.  It was hard - definitely.  But it also meant that we really knew him.  It meant that I was much more involved in caring for an older adult than most people would be (I would help get his evening medications, sometimes help a bit with physical therapy, etc...)   At the time it was just how things were.  Now I realize how unusual that is but I think I learned a lot from it in terms of not being afraid of illness, knowing how to be with and enjoy someone who is frail, having lots of quality time with him that I wouldn't otherwise have had, etc...   And I know that my father thinks my grandfather lived many years longer than he would have otherwise.

So it takes a full family commitment, and it is no small thing.  But it can also return great rewards.

Re the finances - that's just tough.  If giving up his own place allows him (and you) to be saving up for the time when he needs a higher level of care that could be great.  There are probably also local geriatric resources you could look into (for social engagement as well as long-term care support).  I don't know much about that but you could make a few phone calls to county agencies as a start.  Maybe just chatting with neighbors also might give you some local resources (or potential social connections).  This sandwich generation stuff is SO common that there have to be people in your world who might have some insight.

Good luck.[/quote]

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