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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to not exclude your siblings here. [/quote]

With all due respect, I have to say I find this incredibly insensitive and unhelpful. One sentence telling me I need to include a sister who is more difficult to deal with than my parents are right now? Have you ever dealt with incredibly difficult people? Dealing with my sister's possible personality disorder has been nothing but toxic for me, my kids and my husband. I went to therapy and learned that I have a right to not have her in our lives to protect out own well-being. Do you think she helps my parents at all? No, she just makes everything about her and makes them more agitated. Unless you are praising her for her many accomplishments, it's unpleasant to interact with her.

My brother could die. The chemotherapy makes him depressed and fragile. The last thing he needs is the hear what's going on. His wife could tell you that and yes, we have discussed this. She too is emotionally fragile right now-understandable, and no, I am not going to burden her for this.

I'm sure you meant well with this sentence, but my guess is your family life is much different and it is hard for you to have any real understanding of what my situation is.

I think I should probably look for a caregiver support group.[/quote]

No I don't have an easy family situation. But for you to withhold valid information is inappropriate.  Your brother is an adult and can choose to tell you he can't be involved. Or might have great ideas. Your sister might be a pain to you but odds are she thinks the same of you. There is never only one side to anything.

My point is that you have siblings and shouldn't be assuming you know best and not even informing them of the issues. [/quote]

PP, educate yourself about personality disorders and traits a little. If OPs sister has disorder or traits, she doesn't "think the same" as OP, or most people.

That said, OP, you can't "not share" with your siblings. Not for long, anyway. Trying to protect your brother is kind and noble, and trying to keep things from your sister is probably sensible, but you can't (shouldn't) do either. Why don't you call one or two assisted living community administrators about this? Even though you're not considering this kind of living arrangement as an option, they can be quite helpful. -In the unlikely event they haven't dealt with family situations like yours, they can point you to professionals who have, and are in a good position to advise you.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do. It sounds like a situation that will become more challenging as time goes on, so you really do need to start establishing a good support network.[/quote]

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