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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]4 and 2 year old? Please they are sooo little--you are too high maintenence[/quote]

Oh BS. My son is 2 and knows he needs to say please and thank you. And that yelling orders gets him nowhere.

Kids rise (or fall) to wherever you set your expectations. [/quote]
 
Absolutely right! OP, you are correct to be concerned. These parents are not setting expectations for their kids, and the kids are running things; this will not be "something they grow out of" and is not a case of "you are too high maintenance." These kids' behaviors will get worse, not better, as they get older, and it will be far more difficult for the parents to discipline them later than to work with them on these behaviors now.

You mention that they came to visit -- that makes it sound to me as if they live farther away than just around the corner. I hope so. If you have the advantage of distance, use it; you do want to see family sometimes, but if they want more frequent or longer visits than you want, well, be too busy: "We're away that day, the kids have an event that day" and so on. (Then make it true and BE busy -- soon your kids will be old enough that they'll have activities of their own anyway.)

In particular do not ever cave to any ideas of "Let's go on vacation together!" Just read the nightmare threads here about families sharing beach houses!

By ages two and four, kids definitely can be using basic manners. It does come back to haunt parents if the kids are treated like little adults and left to do as they please. I've seen it with our niece who is now a young teenager -- we only see her once a year and though she can be a delight when she is engaged and interested, the instant she is "done" with you, she is cold and rude until she can get away. She is utterly disinterested in her elderly, frail grandparents -- sure, many kids her age would be disinterested! - but she has never been taught she must sometimes engage with them anyway, ask them questions occasionally, or otherwise at least put on a polite attempt to interact for at least a while. It's sad, and her parents let her get away with it because she always has, and they write it off as her just "being herself."[/quote]

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