Reply to ILs/DH "set others up" and resort to gas lighting...

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[quote=Anonymous]Can your husband really be this huge a selfish jerk [i]just[/i] on vacation with specific people around? And then what? He clicks into being his "real" self -- no doubt his more loving, non-gaslighting, non-dictatorial self -- all the rest of the time?

I would bet not. The behaviors might grow more exaggerated around certain people who bring out the worst in him, but isn't it likely that the behaviors are there to at least some degree the rest of the time, or in milder versions?

Yours is a very valid complaint about vacations, but really there is a bigger issue here. If I were in your shoes, I'd sit down and think hard about your husband's behaviors -- and whether they're there in other forms when you're not on vacation with the family. Yes, he likely is behaving this way in order to fit in and to protect himself somehow among these jerky family members -- but I'd call him out on it this time, and if he can't step back and see what he's doing -- maybe it's time for you both to see a counselor. You do not deserve to waste your vacation time, or any of your time, being treated this way.

As for the in-laws, I'd worry first about husband and forget them. Oh yes -- and don't go on this vacation ever again. Let husband go on his own and plan your own thing with the kids. I wouldn't want my kids to witness this kind of crap, from either the in-laws or from their dad, frankly.[/quote]

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