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[quote=Anonymous]The beach threads got me thinking - what exactly do I dread so much about my ILs beach week that makes it so  very painful?  I came up with a few things.

We try to take turns making dinner.  Which I agree with completely.  But frankly, I would rather go out or order in than hear them complain.  Their palette is not that sophisticated, which is fine, but they whine, pick and/or complain like children if its not as bland as can be, or a very narrow, specific way they like it.  Frankly, I wouldn't know what to make for them, that would avoid their nasty reactions.  In addition, I would not want the young children to see adults acting this way.  I could do no right, if I cooked the best or the worst.

They are passive aggressive and treat me like some sort of entertainment.  DH plays into this by acting out.  Really, he becomes a really nasty person around certain people.  I think he thrives off of unhappy people.  If someone else is bitching, he'll get right on the bandwagon, in an effort to "fit in".  If someone bitches about their wife, automatically its me that is the problem.  If his mother is around, he starts fights with me.  He never has anything nice to say around certain people.  Yet with most people, he can/is perfectly normal.  But I swear he prefers the latter, I think he finds this more appealing, somehow.  Hard to explain and even harder to understand, but after all these years, it is as predictable as can be.  As if he wants to highlight how great *he* is, somehow? "See what I put up with?"  Not really, I was just sitting here minding my own business, and you decide to be an asshole.

DH becomes the same old jerk his dad was on vacation.  I know this without ever having met his dad.  Again, DH seems to get nasty, temperamental, complain and pick fights.  He can be kind of a dictator, and dictates arbitrary decisions - "no, we are not going to do that (fun event) today!" "no I am not going to participate in something loving, like a quick walk on the beach) right now"  and only gives in if he can somehow make me the bad guy, as if it is some huge sacrifice to be a normal person.

He creates drama, then makes any discussion about it public, consistently putting me in a bad situation.

I am trying to relay this clearly.  It is almost like gas lighting.  Which is extremely frustrating.  I need some methods to get through the week.  I need to call him in front of everyone on his behavior.

If you have a gas lighting spouse, how do you deal with it?  In the past, I have tried not to attend the beach week, it is easier that way.  But now that the children are older, they are asking well ahead of time and wanting me to join them.  UGH. 
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