Reply to Question for those with wisdom concerning uninvolved parents

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Question for those with wisdom concerning uninvolved parents"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I wouldn't engage in debating the past with your mother.  I also would not try to diagnose your parents--focus on behavior, not labels.  You can agree that different people remember events differently, but the problem is in the present--when you visit, they are only engaged for a few hours and then they are both back to paying attention to your father.  They don't initiate phone calls.  You feel uncomfortable witnessing your dad treating your mother unkindly (you can even avoid the word "abuse," but you can describe the mean things you've heard him say to her) and you don't like your children hearing the cruel things he says, either.

Then acknowledge that you can't make them change.  If you mother truly wants to spend more time with her grandkids and she's not abusive, perhaps you can find ways to involve her without your dad.  In any case, make it clear that these are the reasons you limit visits and you are going to continue to limit visits unless those things change.  She'll probably try to tell you why your observations are wrong, but you've given her the information to make changes if she wants to.  Tell her it's up to her whether she wants to make those changes.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics