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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I don't know for sure but my first reaction is that it is pointless to try to convince your mom that she should behave differently or to try to get her to acknowledge the pain she and your father have caused you.

You should continue to focus on setting boundaries for yourself and your family and making it so spending time with your family is comfortable for [i]you[/i].  What I found with my mom is that my learning to set boundaries with her actually improved my relationship with her.  She couldn't control me anymore so I was able to see her as an anxious old woman for whom I had some compassion.

So what should you do when your mom asks about how to improve relationships? Can you think of something that you need in terms of a boundary that would make your interaction with them easier but doesn't a) require that you tell her she was a crappy mother or b) require that she be a different person entirely?

Ultimately the thing that is hard for adult children to accept is that we can't change our parents and we need to give up trying to change them which is why I think 17:04's strategy is the best.  Take care of yourself [i]and[/i] don't expect them to change.  Things won't be perfect but they can be better.

Good luck![/quote]

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