Reply to Bsby takes toy from other baby at playdate

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[quote=Anonymous]Sharing is not developmentally appropriate until age 3, although lots of misguided parents start forcing it at 18 months. I've noticed those children are the MOST resistant to sharing when they get older.  Sharing requires empathy and an awareness of fairness, as well as a certain level of self regulation.

Younger than 15 months: you take toy and put it back in original owners hands, distract your child

15-24 months: you guide your child's hands to gently return toy, saying "that's Johnny's" so your child learns the concept of "ownership". You sit with your child and shadow her at playdates.

24-30 months: begin "taking turns" using a simple instruction like "Johnny drive to the tree and back, now jake drive to the tree and back". Also teach your child to put away any toys they don't want others to use. You can also say, "Johnny was using that, lets find another toy. (Wait) Oh! It's free now. Do you want a turn now?"  Model sharing with your child, "I'll share my cookie with you".

30-48 months: begin teaching verbal negotiation strategies, "may I have a turn please?", coach child to find other solutions if she wants the toy (find another toy, ask for turn, ask for help, use a timer, etc). Coach ways to deal with frustration like deep breathing or taking a break. Model these situations at home all the time.

Overall, be patient! Sharing isn't natural and kids don't really get it until they become aware that it affects if they are liked or have friends. Don't become one of those annoying parents trailing after their toddler and commanding "Share!"

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