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[quote=Anonymous]OP here, no sign of cluster B disorder or any mental disorder except surely only partly treated ADD. He is classic ADD and I have learned that ADD types tend to "flare" more easily. He started meds which help  him focus at work a bit, but he has not learned to deal with his anxiety. things always seem "out of control" to him, with 2 little kids and his own problems organizing/finding stuff and as a result he barks orders or just freaks and gets really irritated. I would say that he's like this 20 percent of the time, and then 80 percent of the time he's normal, loving, solicitous, etc. But when he's stressed, usually about work but also family, etc, he becomes nitpicking, critical, argumentative and badgering. I hate fighting and shut down, which makes him badger even more because, I realize, at some level he just wants to provoke some sort of reaction.

with the kids, he's very patient and loving with the baby, who is chill, but can be abrupt and bossy with the toddler, who gives it back in spades. the PEP classes are a good idea, but he will say he's too busy/stressed to go and that our ives are already "too chaotic" to add another obligation (same with my desire that he actually see an ADD coach t help him with organization, rather than just take some drugs; same with my anger that he won't look into dealing with snoring, so we can sleep in the same room). In fact, a big factor in his behavior is having young kids--he has a hard time dealing with chaos, and basically can't handle more than a single thing at a time, so when there's a lot going on, he yells or bosses everyone around to get some sort of handle on things. of course, it only devolves into more chaos, but he can't really see that.

when he is not like this he is: selfless, generous with affection, loyal, funny, and adores the kids. but the times he is on edge, everyone is on edge, and like I said the other night, I've just had it. [/quote]

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