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[quote=Anonymous]I am ashamed to admit that I was like your DH.  This was learned behavior from my mother.  I was a good mom and very loving, but learned to express my frustration in a certain way and came to believe that the other person couldn't hear me unless I showed my frustration.

What happened?  Well, I started to notice how it was affecting my kids when they were about 4 or 5, and I didn't like what I saw.

I went to PEP classes in Kensington and learned better ways to parent my children.  So, instead of yelling at them, I learned to set natural consequences.  I essentially learned more child discipline tools than the ones I had.

I also did a PEP anger management class and a class on child motivation.  The first helped me control my own emotions, the second helped me see that the confrontational approach I had with my kids (and DH) wasn't really motivating anyone.

I am much better about keeping my responses calm and cool. Sometimes I slip, but things don't go as far.  The atmosphere in our house is better.

Irritability can also be a part of mental illness or personality disorder as other PPs mention, but in my case, the way I was acting was the way I was taught to act.  It can be hard to break those intergenerational parenting patterns.

What is your DH's family like?  How was he raised and disciplined?

I agree that over the long haul, if there is no change it is very difficult to live with such hostility.  My mother has never changed.  I can see it is difficult for my Dad. I also don't like when my kids see it in her.

I also wonder how you were raised/disciplined.  One of the problems in our relationship is that my DH was raised by parents who almost never set boundaries for their children.  So when DH and I got together both of us were "wrong" in a sense -- he too lax and me too strict.  I think this is a common dynamic in families.  He was so lax, it made me feel like if I was less strict our family would be in chaos.  Do you think your way of parenting is effective?  Or do you think that your DH sees you as giving too much power/decisionmaking to the child?  [/quote]

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