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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Take yesterday.  I told her to just accomplish one thing.  And you know what, she went and repotted her plants that were all dying and had just been sitting neglected.  Which was great.  But it was a 5 hour activity for her.  She left a giant mess on the dining table outside.  I tried to bite my tongue, but I couldn't help myself.  I said, maybe it would have been better if you did on the patio?    She missed dinner with the family.  And she was up late finishing up.  And so then I had to tell her ok she needs to wrap it up and clean up when it was past her bedtime, and I got short with her because I had to tell her like 10 times.  [/quote]
OP I assume you have ADHD, as your DD seems to have it and holding your tongue is challenging for you.

Like any good manager, the way to stop micromanaging and criticizing is by thinking ahead, communicating expectations more clearly, offering useful feedback in the moment, and knowing when to praise and/or get out of the way.

Try giving her a deadline along with your instructions.  "Accomplish one thing by dinner."  "Finish by 9:30 so you can get ready for bed."  Etc.  When you see her making a mess, don't pick on her (maybe it would have been better if...).  Either tell her the table is becoming damaged and please move your project out to the patio now, or accept where she chose to work and remind her she'll need to clean up when she's finished.

Remind her before the deadline rather than nagging her afterwards.  "Dinner will be in 10 minutes."  "Dinner will be in 5 minutes, and if you don't come, then... [insert consequence]."  When she chooses a pot size you don't agree with, ask yourself, why do you think she should have used a smaller pot?  What do you know that she doesn't know about pots, or the plants, or the space?  Why couldn't you ask her about her choice of pot before jumping straight to what you would have done?  Also ask yourself, why are you upset that she is spending all this time with plants?  If there's something you'd rather she spend her time on, you should have told her.  Personally, I think working with plants is a better use of time than 100 other things she could be doing.  [/quote]

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