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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have in the family some people struggling with serious health challenges but I have the impression sometimes they use their health as a powerful manipulation tool.I don’t want to come across as a b*h but it is very obvious and infuriating. For example if they don’t get what they want then suddenly they start complaining about various ailment.  Of course,  after a dr visit, it turns out to be not much of a worry. How to respond firmly but politely? How to enforce boundaries? [/quote]

You need to always say no and don’t give in! They have learned that twisting around to bring up a health issue real or imagined turns a no into a yes.

Old people regress into a lot of mental health and dysfunction. They have a primal over reaction to hearing no and it seems to stoke their awareness that they don’t control the other person or situation which doubles their anxiety. It’s a “ oh no I WANT” feeling coupled with “oh no I’m too frail to force what I want” to “ how can I manipulate to get what I want” with a lot of “it’s not fair I’m not getting what I WANT”. There’s basically a whole bag of cats rattling up there.

The key to boundaries is to consistently maintain them. Once you let the antics of the boundary stomper cross them, they will repeat again and again.[/quote]

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