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[quote=Anonymous]My 9yo DD is the same and really has been her whole life - she was a grumpy baby, even. So, solidarity there.

We’ve tried to combat this with really predicable routines and structures (no use complaining about something when you know it’s happening every week no matter what, etc), and prioritizing sleep and nutrition as much as possible so her body feels as good as it can (now she’s very picky, unfortunately, but we try our best). I think, like pp said, some of these foundational routines create a sense of safety and predictability that HELPS - doesn’t solve it, but helps.

We’ve read books about mindfulness and gratitude, and I’ve also been very frank with her in conversations about my and her fathers upbringings and how we did not have the attention, support, or resources she’s had. I totally hear you on what you said about “kids don’t owe us gratitude,” but I do think that being honest about, like, hey girl, your dad grew up in a hoarder house - perhaps getting the opportunity to play soccer isn’t really that bad after all.

And, finally, when she’s in a negative loop and just complaining about anything, I let her know that I’m filled up on her complaints and won’t be listening to negativity anymore. She has adhd and loves going back and forth for the dopamine hit and would do it as long as I let her, but I have to put a stop to it at some point. If she continues, I just remind her that I’m not engaging in negative talk anymore, but I’m happy to be in conversation with her about something else if she wants to. [/quote]

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