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[quote=Anonymous]Spanking is only for direct defiance, not simple disobedience, much less doing something wrong through ignorance, negligence, etc.   Even then, I’d give him a warning and the chance to back down and apologize.

NEVER spank when angry.  Cool down first so that you are fully calm and in control.  Spanking shouldn’t be about how you feel.  It doesn’t matter how long you wait or if the other parent needs to administer it, NEVER spank when angry.

Make sure the child understands exactly why they’re getting the spanking.

Spank with your bare hand, just hard enough to hopefully convince and remind the child that he doesn’t want to repeat his offense, no more than three swats.  There should never be a bruise.  There is a line between discipline and abuse, and injuring your child crosses it.

Afterwards, tell your child that you love them and offer them a hug, but don’t insist on it.

Keep in mind that spanking should be rare - it is the nuclear option, not a warning shot.  If you need ideas for other approaches to discipline, I can suggest other tactics, and I’m sure other posters can offer ideas, as well.

However you choose to discipline, consistency is vital.  You and your husband need to present a united front or your son will play you against each other, if you disagree, argue out of earshot until you reach a consensus.  Moreover, while you should listen to your son if he can calmly present a logical argument about mitigating circumstances that you might not have taken into account, don’t set a rule that you give up on when it doesn’t immediately resolve a problem or ignore when he causes you difficulty by whining, throwing a tantrum, etc.
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