I remember being spanked a couple of times as a child, by my father, over clothing. I didn't really mind, because my father was mild as milk and it didn't hurt.

What bothered me was that my mother would slap my face whenever she was very upset at me. It felt intrusive and disrespectful in a way that a pretend spanking did not, and it also felt very unfair, because I thought I was already a very obedient and passive child compared to my classmates. I did all my homework and had good grades, I played piano, I read books, mostly classics, all the time, did not watch TV, never went out to see friends, I dressed exactly the way she wanted, never smoked or drank, but occasionally mouthed off to my mother. This continued until I was 16, when I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine and slapped her right back. Wow, was she surprised. She never slapped me again.

I have never trusted my mother, OP. She clearly has untreated something going on, and she was neglected as a child and didn't have great parents herself. I have strived to be a better parent to my own kids, one of whom has autism and inattentive ADHD.

Anonymous wrote:Op this is like saying “I don’t want to start a debate about seatbelts, just saying if you’ve decided you’re not a seatbelt family what has worked for you.”

The research is clear on spanking outcomes and you are ridiculous and you are absurd.

+1

If you ignore the research, you are, frankly, an idiot

Anonymous wrote:Spanking….i know it’s controversial, and I’m not looking to start a debate. I know, because I have searched and see quite a few admit to spanking there kids when needed. So I’m not asking if you agree with it or not, I’m asking if those that do, would provide a little basic info of what works for you. My just finished 1st grade boy is driving us mad. He is disrespectful, mouthy, and doesn’t listen, we have tried all kind of punishments and we are ready to try spanking. Neither my husband or I was spanked growing up and you can’t just google this topic or you get all kinda gross and very obviously fake, or I hope they are fake answers. So what has worked for you in regards to a spanking. We plan to have another heart to heart with him this weekend and explain that this will now be a consequence when he has bad behavior.

Instead of searching this site, why don't you actually search scholarly research on spanking on Google Scholar and see what's recommended (cough, it does not help and will probably make your kid have worse behavior issues, but cough, if you are determined to approach this with a losing solution...)

Spanking is only for direct defiance, not simple disobedience, much less doing something wrong through ignorance, negligence, etc. Even then, I’d give him a warning and the chance to back down and apologize.

NEVER spank when angry. Cool down first so that you are fully calm and in control. Spanking shouldn’t be about how you feel. It doesn’t matter how long you wait or if the other parent needs to administer it, NEVER spank when angry.

Make sure the child understands exactly why they’re getting the spanking.

Spank with your bare hand, just hard enough to hopefully convince and remind the child that he doesn’t want to repeat his offense, no more than three swats. There should never be a bruise. There is a line between discipline and abuse, and injuring your child crosses it.

Afterwards, tell your child that you love them and offer them a hug, but don’t insist on it.

Keep in mind that spanking should be rare - it is the nuclear option, not a warning shot. If you need ideas for other approaches to discipline, I can suggest other tactics, and I’m sure other posters can offer ideas, as well.

However you choose to discipline, consistency is vital. You and your husband need to present a united front or your son will play you against each other, if you disagree, argue out of earshot until you reach a consensus. Moreover, while you should listen to your son if he can calmly present a logical argument about mitigating circumstances that you might not have taken into account, don’t set a rule that you give up on when it doesn’t immediately resolve a problem or ignore when he causes you difficulty by whining, throwing a tantrum, etc.

Op this is like saying “I don’t want to start a debate about seatbelts, just saying if you’ve decided you’re not a seatbelt family what has worked for you.”

The research is clear on spanking outcomes and you are ridiculous and you are absurd.

Hey, a one time spanking and then the neurotypical kid learns that doing X, Y, Z is not actually a good idea? I don't think that's automatically child abuse.

But I don't think you're talking about that. If he has difficulty listening and following directions, he needs an evaluation, coaching and possible meds. Because you can't beat the ADHD out of him.

Is he like this at school?

🤮🤮🤮

How much physical abuse is your minor child going to receive until you perceive that he may have ADHD or other neurodivergence?

Because this is how it works. Some families recognize that their kids need strong boundaries, strict routines, as well as psychological evaluations and treatment, and some families just govern through fear. And eventually, the latter solution stops working because the kids grow up and threaten their parents with the only tool they know: violence. Or they escape. And they certainly never get better on their own unless they're very smart, resilient, and willing to work on themselves; and are helped along the way by mature people. No thanks to their parents.

You can also send him to wilderness boot camp: the prime environments for physical, sexual and emotional abuse of teens out there. And then you can sign him up for the military. And then when he's an older adult and still can't get his life together, you'll call it "PTSD" from his years of service. But really, for all lot of these veterans with PTSD... they were often undiagnosed kids who did not receive the help they needed as kids.

Anyway. Your choice.

He will hate you, but go ahead.

So, he is just a typical kid in your opinion? Are you sure?
What is he is not in control of his behavior?

The chances of unwittingly giving your child a lifelong sexual fetish—and despising you when he realizes his peers aren’t humiliated at home—are high. Hoping this is a troll.

If you have to spank more than once, that's proof it hasn't worked, otherwise the behavior would have stopped after the first spanking.

What are you hoping to accomplish? You want to scare him with pain to get him to comply? Or even if you don’t spank hard enough to cause pain, you want to spank to embarass them into complying? You want controlled spanking so as not to react out of control with physical punishment?

Troll.

Spanking….i know it’s controversial, and I’m not looking to start a debate. I know, because I have searched and see quite a few admit to spanking there kids when needed. So I’m not asking if you agree with it or not, I’m asking if those that do, would provide a little basic info of what works for you. My just finished 1st grade boy is driving us mad. He is disrespectful, mouthy, and doesn’t listen, we have tried all kind of punishments and we are ready to try spanking. Neither my husband or I was spanked growing up and you can’t just google this topic or you get all kinda gross and very obviously fake, or I hope they are fake answers. So what has worked for you in regards to a spanking. We plan to have another heart to heart with him this weekend and explain that this will now be a consequence when he has bad behavior.