Reply to Looking for Advice on Building Empathy and Kindness in a Teen

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m going to sit on my hands otherwise but you have a mean girl and you have contributed to her materialism and her likely mistreatment of other girls without Alo leggings and Stanley cups.

You’ll never fix it or her by being the kind of woman who produced that for years. [/quote]

Gonna’ have to agree with this. What you allowed OP has become.

-Mom of one non mean girl

[/quote]

Ok, I’ll bite. Since you identified yourself as having a non mean girl, share with me how you deal with clothing, etc. that your daughter [b]needs and wants.[/b] [/quote]

NP - the bolded is the problem.  You don't lump needs and wants together.  I make sure my kids have their needs met.  That doesn't mean they get all of their wants.  How DH and I deal with it is by saying no and following through.  We're not in one of the most affluent areas of the DMV, which helps.  There's still plenty of money and materialism, but also enough variety that kids who don't have the latest everything aren't shunned because of it.  We've had plenty of uncomfortable moments and upset because we set limits.  Oh well.  That's part of parenting, IMO.  We also have very close relationships with our kids, and I do think our willingness to sit with them when they're upset is part of it.[/quote]

Parents that are willing to sit in the discomfort of their kid’s emotions don’t resort to materialism as a salve to everything. The girls in particular get socially rewarded by these behaviors which are rather goddamned obviously generated and supported at home by the parents. A rich kid with parents that make the wants/needs distinction clear, say no, and don’t just say ‘well if you get straight As everything is perfect’ will be fine, it’s not about HHI at all.[/quote]

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