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[quote=Anonymous]My 15 yo nephew “Ned” recently confided in a family member that he’s miserable. He says he doesn’t have any friends at school, so he eats lunch with one of his teachers, and that he is bullied. I’m sure my brother/his dad is sympathetic, but more than anything, he seems frustrated because he thinks Ned’s problems are in part of his own making, and he feels that his hands are partially tied because he and his ex-wife are at odds parenting-wise.

I’ll share some things about Ned, but there is a lot more:
1. According to my DB, Ned gets teased a lot because he dresses funny. Example: dress shirt with furry vest and athletic shorts. I asked if he could have Ned plan his outfits on Sunday for the week, or remove the non-school clothes from Ned’s closet. DB says that Ned refuses to do anything of the sort, and in any case, Ned spends half the week at his mom’s house.

2. Ned is also very unathletic/uncoordinated, so he apparently gets teased during PE. My DB is athletic and has wanted to sign Ned up for sports for years, but his ex-wife refuses.

3. Since my family moved back to our home state (where DB & Ned live) 5 years ago, Ned has always been a “quirky kid”, at best.  Always saying bizarre things for effect (attention-seeking), which have gotten more outrageous with age, e.g., complimenting Nazis (Ned & our extended family are all non-white) & sexual jokes in front of adult relatives.  Poor table manners, such as eating all of the entree before family members who are serving get to sit down, or tasting the birthday cake -not his own- before we sing happy birthday.  His dad will verbally correct him, but it seems to make little to no difference (the cake tasting happened multiple times before it stopped).

4. DB believes that Ned is partially at fault for his own problems.  For instance, if the kids are bullying him about his clothes, why doesn’t he wear clothing that’s more appropriate for school?  And though I don’t think DB would ever say it, I’m pretty sure he thinks that if Ned acted more “normal”, then he would fit in better at school.

5. DB also mentioned that Ned used to be a lot more organized and clean, for instance, putting away dishes and milk in the fridge after he eats breakfast, but that he no longer does this.  A lot of teens are horribly messy, so whatever, but the change in behavior is what worries me more.

I’m guessing that a big source of his issues is that his parents have been at odds since the divorce when he was in early elem.  His mom has used Ned to get back at DB and talks sh*t about us to Ned since he was little.  She is very focused on his academics (he goes to Mathnasium 5x a week), but otherwise seems pretty checked out; for instance, he gets unlimited & unchecked screentime since he was in elementary school.

Ned just recently started therapy (his mom finally gave permission), so hopefully that will help.  I am just wondering what we (extended family) can do to help Ned.  He and DB live an hour away, so we haven’t been able to spend time with him more than once a month.  Anyway, I know there’s only so much that family members other than his parents can do to help.  I am posting just to see if anyone has any thoughts that i haven’t already.[/quote]

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