Reply to Agreed to a move for DH’s promotion with one condition. Now that condition is gone.

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[quote=Anonymous]We recently moved so my DH could take a new role at work that required him to live within city limits. It was a promotion and a meaningful raise, so overall it made sense for our family and we agreed to it. Our kids stayed at the same private school, so their day-to-day hasn’t changed much.

The tradeoff, though, was his schedule. He used to work a pretty standard M–F 9–5. In the new role he’s typically working until about 6pm and one weekend a month. I wasn’t thrilled about the change, but I agreed to the move with one clear boundary: he would not take the alternate shift that runs until midnight. My reasoning was pretty simple, if he’s gone every evening, the entire “hard” part of the weekday (dinner, homework, activities, bedtime, general household triage) becomes a solo operation for me. Morning help is nice, but it doesn’t offset that.

Well, now we’re being told he has to rotate into the midnight shift and there’s nothing he can do about it. Maybe that’s true. But from my vantage point it feels like the one condition under which I agreed to all of this has quietly evaporated. I’ll be honest that part of me wonders whether this was always likely and just not said out loud. I can’t prove that, though, so I’m trying not to spiral there.

Short of “leave the marriage,” which is not on the table, I’m trying to think practically about how to rebalance things so this doesn’t become an unsustainable setup for me. If you’ve been in a similar situation where one spouse’s schedule suddenly shifted heavily into evenings, what changes did you make to keep things manageable? Childcare? Household help? Different expectations around weekends? Something else I’m not thinking of?

I’m less interested in whether the job should or shouldn’t exist this way (that ship has sailed) and more interested in how people have drawn new lines or created support so the at-home spouse isn’t carrying 100% of weekday family logistics.
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