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[quote=Anonymous]First, nothing about this is weak or dramatic. You’re grieving a marriage, your daily life with your kids, and the version of your future you thought you had. Of course the kid-free weeks knock the wind out of you. That makes so much sense.

The anger and the self-blame swinging back and forth are totally normal. Your brain is trying to make sense of something that feels senseless. Him cheating wasn’t a referendum on your worth. It was a decision he made. Full stop.

On the weeks (especially weekends) without your kids, lower the bar to the floor. Shower. Walk around the block. Text one friend. Eat something that isn’t coffee. Structure helps, even stupid small structure. An exercise class, a standing dinner, volunteering, a haircut. You need anchors on those weeks. Try to make that structure ahead of time, maybe even schedule your plans for upcoming weeks and weekends on the weeks when your kids are with you. I know if I was in climb in bed mode I just wouldn’t get it done.

And when your kids gush about her, it’s okay to feel like you’ve been punched. But their ability to attach doesn’t erase you. You are their mother. That will never change.

If the “this is it for me” thoughts start getting louder or darker, please tell your therapist exactly that. If you ever feel unsafe or like you might hurt yourself, call or text 988. It’s there for moments like this. You are not meant to white-knuckle this alone.

This may not feel survivable right now. But you’re already surviving it. And one day the alternating weeks won’t feel like a cliff edge … they’ll just feel like time.

Good luck to you. This is the hard stuff no one prepares you for. [/quote]

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