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[quote=Anonymous]I’m in a similar position.  I actually did a child psychiatry fellowship in 2010-2012 and had never really heard of this (although ASD wasn’t a big part of my training…I was more interested in suicidal behavior and personality disorders).

I honestly thought I was the worst parent.  All of the recommendations were to have behavior charts and punishments and rewards and to be extremely consistent.  I thought that the reason these things weren’t working was because I wasn’t able to do them consistently enough for long enough.  But I struggled with doing this partly because it was ruining my relationship with my child and I spend all day every day talking to people who tried to kill themselves and I’m terrified of making my own child depressed or anxious or feeling like he isn’t good enough.  
DS’s autism/PDA is a problem for him in every single context.  He is 17 years old and struggles with his personal hygiene m.  He is failing out of school.  He is in easy, remedial classes despite being a bright kid.  (I have no idea what his IQ is because he refused to do the neuropsych testing.  His siblings are in the 130-150 range, so I assume he is roughly the same).

Learning about PDA has made things SO much better at home.  I no longer feel like a failure.  I have specific things I can ask for in IEP meetings.  
I also think that my husband has some of this.  It’s not nearly as bad as my autistic child, but there is a certain amount of it.  DH is also a surgeon, so he has a bit of a God complex on top of it.  
What’s kind of worked for me recently is having a couple of books about PDA just laying around the house (you know, reducing demands and expectations), and DH will pick them up once in a while or might refer to them if he knows he is going into a particularly difficult moment with DS.

It’s a struggle though.  Every day.  Sending virtual hugs your way!!![/quote]

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