Hugely appreciate the above. Also Dr Dr household and yes the G complex is there. DC has it too, can never be wrong!

I’m in a similar position. I actually did a child psychiatry fellowship in 2010-2012 and had never really heard of this (although ASD wasn’t a big part of my training…I was more interested in suicidal behavior and personality disorders).

I honestly thought I was the worst parent. All of the recommendations were to have behavior charts and punishments and rewards and to be extremely consistent. I thought that the reason these things weren’t working was because I wasn’t able to do them consistently enough for long enough. But I struggled with doing this partly because it was ruining my relationship with my child and I spend all day every day talking to people who tried to kill themselves and I’m terrified of making my own child depressed or anxious or feeling like he isn’t good enough.
DS’s autism/PDA is a problem for him in every single context. He is 17 years old and struggles with his personal hygiene m. He is failing out of school. He is in easy, remedial classes despite being a bright kid. (I have no idea what his IQ is because he refused to do the neuropsych testing. His siblings are in the 130-150 range, so I assume he is roughly the same).

Learning about PDA has made things SO much better at home. I no longer feel like a failure. I have specific things I can ask for in IEP meetings.
I also think that my husband has some of this. It’s not nearly as bad as my autistic child, but there is a certain amount of it. DH is also a surgeon, so he has a bit of a God complex on top of it.
What’s kind of worked for me recently is having a couple of books about PDA just laying around the house (you know, reducing demands and expectations), and DH will pick them up once in a while or might refer to them if he knows he is going into a particularly difficult moment with DS.

It’s a struggle though. Every day. Sending virtual hugs your way!!!

Also have a pda kid. Much younger so def no advice. But they’re so tough. Good luck

I feel you op. I have found 5-mthf supplement somewhat helpful for my kid regarding this. Also lots of protein (salmon or steak every other day). I think the hard thing is how blind they are to their own limitations, so you have to be on top of that for them both. I worry about my kid putting that burden on a partner someday, frankly.

Anonymous wrote:I suspect this in my tween. She has anxiety and ADHD. I would be shocked if it was mild autism too, but that hasn’t been diagnosed. ODD has also been discussed.

It’s been a long road and there have been times I’ve wanted to leave too. Things are better at home than at school, and better when we have a routine than during time off or travel. Therapy intermittently helped - we didn’t see immediate results, but will occasionally talk about using her strategies, so she’s learned something. Meds have definitely helped.

No true advice, but a lot of empathy. I would have also thought a kid was just spoiled if I didn’t see this with my own eyes. Her brain is just different and she sees things wildly differently than those around her do. It’s hard.

* I would NOT be shocked…

I suspect this in my tween. She has anxiety and ADHD. I would be shocked if it was mild autism too, but that hasn’t been diagnosed. ODD has also been discussed.

It’s been a long road and there have been times I’ve wanted to leave too. Things are better at home than at school, and better when we have a routine than during time off or travel. Therapy intermittently helped - we didn’t see immediate results, but will occasionally talk about using her strategies, so she’s learned something. Meds have definitely helped.

No true advice, but a lot of empathy. I would have also thought a kid was just spoiled if I didn’t see this with my own eyes. Her brain is just different and she sees things wildly differently than those around her do. It’s hard.

^Difficult but… no idea where dodyfit came from from!

I am certain DC (teen) has PDA. Every single factor is right on the mark. Living with them is insanely dodfiybit you would never know for the outside. In forty think DH has it too, which explains a lot. But he doesn’t believe in it and thinks DC is simply a spoiled brat.

I can’t take any more. They both suck and there are day that I wish I could leave them both to be honest. My entire being has been sacrificed for these two people who are unable to be civil if upset and unable to function properly. Yeah, I know, it’s your kid so you do what you need to, etc.

Unless you have a PDA kid, no tips requested… they won’t apply. Trust me.

Vent over.