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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My child Bryn is great friends with Alice (2nd grade). I like her mom and we’ve been friend for years. This year. Alice’s mom got into the habit of asking me to speak with my child about excluding hers. “Today Alice was crying because Bryn sat next to Taylor and she said Bryn only wants to play with Taylor”, or “Alice feels like Bryn doesn’t like her because she played at recess with Sam”, etc. initially I was super concerned and spoke with my child and firmly insisted she not exclude anyone. But then I found out from the teachers that my child hadn’t done anything, she just plays with whomever but Alice wants to play with her specifically. So after a few times of Alice’s mom telling me to speak with my child, I finally told her look my kid loves yours but also likes new friends and isn’t doing anything wrong. Alice’s mom apologized and said okay no more complaints.

This week, Alice’s mom told me that another child Zoey was excluding Alice and that she wrote an email to Zoey’s mom about it. She further said that Zoey’s mom just didn’t respond and how mean she is. I honestly don’t know if she realizes that no one else does this or if she just assumes parents want to know these details?

How would you gently say hey I think this isn’t great for you to go around telling parents to talk to their kids about excluding Alice, because it seems like Alice is quite sensitive and this alienates parents from her further? What would you say?[/quote]

Alice is a manipulative pain in the neck.  [/quote]

This. My kid has a friend like this at school. The friend will tell my kid "if you don't play with me, no one will." I didn't tell my kid "that's manipulative" because I obviously don't want her repeating this at school (and we try to avoid labels like that for kids in general) but it is!

We just told our kid that she can play with whomever she wants and that if she doesn't want to play with this particular friend on a specific day, this kid will figure out a way to handle it (make other friends or find something to play on her own). In the end it's worked out okay because even though it's been a bit hard for my kid, I also think it's teaching her some valuable lessons about where to draw boundaries with friends and how to be kind without being a doormat (we always tell her to be kind when turning down an invite to play -- it can just be about wanting to do something else that day and not to make it personal about that particular kid). But still it is kind of amazing to discover a kid this young pulling this stuff. I do hope the parents figure it out because that is not going to work out well in the long run.[/quote]

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