Anonymous
12/17/2025 19:43
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Effective parenting involves teaching YOUR OWN CHILD how to navigate the world, not manipulating the world for your child's comfort. Tell her both her and her daughter's lives will be much easier once she reframes her entire outlook on life.
She needs to talk to Alice about not taking everything personally and how to break into a group appropriately and to stop expecting others to solve the problem on the other side of the interaction.
+1. Alice is going to be a very entitled tween/teem/adult with a low threshold for feeling rejected if her mom doesn’t get therapy and parent coaching. This is not an Alice problem. It’s a mom and dad problem. Alice needs to understand she has agency and can change her situation. Alice needs to understand she is resilient and can play with different people and try different things and that a friend not explicitly inviting her to play at recess does not mean the friendship is over. I have a first grader who is well aware of all of this, so I’m sad that Alice isn’t learning really valuable skills.
Maybe you can suggest a book or a podcast on this topic to her mom? Maybe Alice’s teacher can do that too.
I was agreeing with you until you got unnecessarily condescending. I'm sure your 1st grader has her own issues. Alice's mom sounds like she has anxiety and yes, she's making a parenting mistake, but don't assume you won't makes some dumb parenting mistake eventually, too. Parenting has a way of squeezing the smug right out of you.
You sound a little unhinged.
Anonymous
12/17/2025 08:03
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
We had a somewhat similar situation in 5th grade. The mom complained to me that her daughter had no one to talk to, I asked DD to make sure to include the girl and then the mom began reaching out to her daughters new friends (Ie my daughters friends) to hang out without mine. The entire friend group blew up. Moral of the story- stay out of it.
Anonymous
12/16/2025 22:11
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Effective parenting involves teaching YOUR OWN CHILD how to navigate the world, not manipulating the world for your child's comfort. Tell her both her and her daughter's lives will be much easier once she reframes her entire outlook on life.
She needs to talk to Alice about not taking everything personally and how to break into a group appropriately and to stop expecting others to solve the problem on the other side of the interaction.
+1. Alice is going to be a very entitled tween/teem/adult with a low threshold for feeling rejected if her mom doesn’t get therapy and parent coaching. This is not an Alice problem. It’s a mom and dad problem. Alice needs to understand she has agency and can change her situation. Alice needs to understand she is resilient and can play with different people and try different things and that a friend not explicitly inviting her to play at recess does not mean the friendship is over. I have a first grader who is well aware of all of this, so I’m sad that Alice isn’t learning really valuable skills.
Maybe you can suggest a book or a podcast on this topic to her mom? Maybe Alice’s teacher can do that too.
I was agreeing with you until you got unnecessarily condescending. I'm sure your 1st grader has her own issues. Alice's mom sounds like she has anxiety and yes, she's making a parenting mistake, but don't assume you won't makes some dumb parenting mistake eventually, too. Parenting has a way of squeezing the smug right out of you.
Anonymous
12/16/2025 22:01
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Anonymous wrote:Effective parenting involves teaching YOUR OWN CHILD how to navigate the world, not manipulating the world for your child's comfort. Tell her both her and her daughter's lives will be much easier once she reframes her entire outlook on life.
She needs to talk to Alice about not taking everything personally and how to break into a group appropriately and to stop expecting others to solve the problem on the other side of the interaction.
+1. Alice is going to be a very entitled tween/teem/adult with a low threshold for feeling rejected if her mom doesn’t get therapy and parent coaching. This is not an Alice problem. It’s a mom and dad problem. Alice needs to understand she has agency and can change her situation. Alice needs to understand she is resilient and can play with different people and try different things and that a friend not explicitly inviting her to play at recess does not mean the friendship is over. I have a first grader who is well aware of all of this, so I’m sad that Alice isn’t learning really valuable skills.
Maybe you can suggest a book or a podcast on this topic to her mom? Maybe Alice’s teacher can do that too.
Anonymous
12/14/2025 19:17
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My child Bryn is great friends with Alice (2nd grade). I like her mom and we’ve been friend for years. This year. Alice’s mom got into the habit of asking me to speak with my child about excluding hers. “Today Alice was crying because Bryn sat next to Taylor and she said Bryn only wants to play with Taylor”, or “Alice feels like Bryn doesn’t like her because she played at recess with Sam”, etc. initially I was super concerned and spoke with my child and firmly insisted she not exclude anyone. But then I found out from the teachers that my child hadn’t done anything, she just plays with whomever but Alice wants to play with her specifically. So after a few times of Alice’s mom telling me to speak with my child, I finally told her look my kid loves yours but also likes new friends and isn’t doing anything wrong. Alice’s mom apologized and said okay no more complaints.
This week, Alice’s mom told me that another child Zoey was excluding Alice and that she wrote an email to Zoey’s mom about it. She further said that Zoey’s mom just didn’t respond and how mean she is. I honestly don’t know if she realizes that no one else does this or if she just assumes parents want to know these details?
How would you gently say hey I think this isn’t great for you to go around telling parents to talk to their kids about excluding Alice, because it seems like Alice is quite sensitive and this alienates parents from her further? What would you say?
Alice is a manipulative pain in the neck.
This. My kid has a friend like this at school. The friend will tell my kid "if you don't play with me, no one will." I didn't tell my kid "that's manipulative" because I obviously don't want her repeating this at school (and we try to avoid labels like that for kids in general) but it is!
We just told our kid that she can play with whomever she wants and that if she doesn't want to play with this particular friend on a specific day, this kid will figure out a way to handle it (make other friends or find something to play on her own). In the end it's worked out okay because even though it's been a bit hard for my kid, I also think it's teaching her some valuable lessons about where to draw boundaries with friends and how to be kind without being a doormat (we always tell her to be kind when turning down an invite to play -- it can just be about wanting to do something else that day and not to make it personal about that particular kid). But still it is kind of amazing to discover a kid this young pulling this stuff. I do hope the parents figure it out because that is not going to work out well in the long run.
Anonymous
12/14/2025 18:57
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Anonymous wrote:My child Bryn is great friends with Alice (2nd grade). I like her mom and we’ve been friend for years. This year. Alice’s mom got into the habit of asking me to speak with my child about excluding hers. “Today Alice was crying because Bryn sat next to Taylor and she said Bryn only wants to play with Taylor”, or “Alice feels like Bryn doesn’t like her because she played at recess with Sam”, etc. initially I was super concerned and spoke with my child and firmly insisted she not exclude anyone. But then I found out from the teachers that my child hadn’t done anything, she just plays with whomever but Alice wants to play with her specifically. So after a few times of Alice’s mom telling me to speak with my child, I finally told her look my kid loves yours but also likes new friends and isn’t doing anything wrong. Alice’s mom apologized and said okay no more complaints.
This week, Alice’s mom told me that another child Zoey was excluding Alice and that she wrote an email to Zoey’s mom about it. She further said that Zoey’s mom just didn’t respond and how mean she is. I honestly don’t know if she realizes that no one else does this or if she just assumes parents want to know these details?
How would you gently say hey I think this isn’t great for you to go around telling parents to talk to their kids about excluding Alice, because it seems like Alice is quite sensitive and this alienates parents from her further? What would you say?
Alice is a manipulative pain in the neck.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 15:45
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Anonymous wrote:Stay out of it. It will only anger her and make her pickier. She may tell Alice that you are making Bryn be mean to Alice and are mean to her, too.
This, she's already demonstrated that when she doesn't hear what she wants to hear, she will bad mouth the parent and child to other people.
I have a parent like this in my kid's class and, unfortunately, she (meaning the mom) has targeted my kid as a potential playmate to solve her kid's social issues. I have learned to be noncommittal, smile and nod when appropriate, but otherwise avoid. Separately I encourage my child's relationships with other children, let her know she is not obligated to play with this kid if she doesn't want to (but never to be unkind or exclude intentionally -- these are nuanced things for my kid to learn but it's helping to make her more emotionally intelligent in the long run).
Mostly I just hope they don't wind up in a class together last year. I've found that many social challenges get magically resolved by classroom shuffles from year to year, and it's already December. So from here we get to spring break, and then it's downhill to summer, and then next year is a fresh start that I'm sure will bring other challenges but this one will hopefully have passed.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 13:51
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Stay out of it. It will only anger her and make her pickier. She may tell Alice that you are making Bryn be mean to Alice and are mean to her, too.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 12:57
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Anonymous wrote:You don't tell the other mom how to handle it. Even though I agree with you and think she's making a big mistake in trying to micromanage this situation for her DD.
The *most* I might do is maybe commiserate that the social stuff in elementary can be challenging (which is true! recess and who plays with who can be a whole drama and it's hard when your kid is struggling) but then note things you think have helped your kid. Like if I were in this situation, I'd say "you know, going to aftercare has been great for DD because it gives her a chance to hang out with other kids in a different setting which I think makes recess easier." Or "when DD is having challenges at school, we try to schedule playdates with some of her soccer friends from other schools so it doesn't feel as intense -- it seems to help put things in perspective."
It sounds like this mom is not doing a good job of helping her DD develop social skills to navigate challenging or even just non-ideal social situations, and is instead trying to engineer social situations so that her daughter doesn't need social skills. You and I know that's not going to work out great, but you can't just say that. So I might try to empathize but then gently steer the other mom towards things she could do that would help her child with resilience and making friends in different settings.
This. That's all you need to know. This isn't your battle to fight and you stand to only get involved in drama that isn't yours.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 11:51
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
I dealt with a similar situation when my DD was the same age. I agree with PPs. Your situation might not end well for your girls (mine didn’t, for the reason that the other mom blamed me and my DD for everything) but these things happen often at this age and as they grow up and their friendships change.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 11:40
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
You don't tell the other mom how to handle it. Even though I agree with you and think she's making a big mistake in trying to micromanage this situation for her DD.
The *most* I might do is maybe commiserate that the social stuff in elementary can be challenging (which is true! recess and who plays with who can be a whole drama and it's hard when your kid is struggling) but then note things you think have helped your kid. Like if I were in this situation, I'd say "you know, going to aftercare has been great for DD because it gives her a chance to hang out with other kids in a different setting which I think makes recess easier." Or "when DD is having challenges at school, we try to schedule playdates with some of her soccer friends from other schools so it doesn't feel as intense -- it seems to help put things in perspective."
It sounds like this mom is not doing a good job of helping her DD develop social skills to navigate challenging or even just non-ideal social situations, and is instead trying to engineer social situations so that her daughter doesn't need social skills. You and I know that's not going to work out great, but you can't just say that. So I might try to empathize but then gently steer the other mom towards things she could do that would help her child with resilience and making friends in different settings.
The *most* I might do is maybe commiserate that the social stuff in elementary can be challenging (which is true! recess and who plays with who can be a whole drama and it's hard when your kid is struggling) but then note things you think have helped your kid. Like if I were in this situation, I'd say "you know, going to aftercare has been great for DD because it gives her a chance to hang out with other kids in a different setting which I think makes recess easier." Or "when DD is having challenges at school, we try to schedule playdates with some of her soccer friends from other schools so it doesn't feel as intense -- it seems to help put things in perspective."
It sounds like this mom is not doing a good job of helping her DD develop social skills to navigate challenging or even just non-ideal social situations, and is instead trying to engineer social situations so that her daughter doesn't need social skills. You and I know that's not going to work out great, but you can't just say that. So I might try to empathize but then gently steer the other mom towards things she could do that would help her child with resilience and making friends in different settings.
Anonymous
12/12/2025 11:31
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
Effective parenting involves teaching YOUR OWN CHILD how to navigate the world, not manipulating the world for your child's comfort. Tell her both her and her daughter's lives will be much easier once she reframes her entire outlook on life.
She needs to talk to Alice about not taking everything personally and how to break into a group appropriately and to stop expecting others to solve the problem on the other side of the interaction.
She needs to talk to Alice about not taking everything personally and how to break into a group appropriately and to stop expecting others to solve the problem on the other side of the interaction.
Anonymous
12/11/2025 13:50
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
It’s gonna get a lot worse in middle school. Advise her to talk to the teacher on what Alice should do if her friend already has plans. Can she look around and see if someone is alone and might want to play. Or how to find something to play with until there might be a group she can join.
Her mother isn’t helping her child by getting all indignant when Alice comes home with her stories. Try to explain it’s not unusual for kids that age who are already playing not to have the skill to expand their circle. It’s not personal.
Her mother isn’t helping her child by getting all indignant when Alice comes home with her stories. Try to explain it’s not unusual for kids that age who are already playing not to have the skill to expand their circle. It’s not personal.
Anonymous
12/11/2025 12:26
Subject: How to deal with sensitive child and parent
My child Bryn is great friends with Alice (2nd grade). I like her mom and we’ve been friend for years. This year. Alice’s mom got into the habit of asking me to speak with my child about excluding hers. “Today Alice was crying because Bryn sat next to Taylor and she said Bryn only wants to play with Taylor”, or “Alice feels like Bryn doesn’t like her because she played at recess with Sam”, etc. initially I was super concerned and spoke with my child and firmly insisted she not exclude anyone. But then I found out from the teachers that my child hadn’t done anything, she just plays with whomever but Alice wants to play with her specifically. So after a few times of Alice’s mom telling me to speak with my child, I finally told her look my kid loves yours but also likes new friends and isn’t doing anything wrong. Alice’s mom apologized and said okay no more complaints.
This week, Alice’s mom told me that another child Zoey was excluding Alice and that she wrote an email to Zoey’s mom about it. She further said that Zoey’s mom just didn’t respond and how mean she is. I honestly don’t know if she realizes that no one else does this or if she just assumes parents want to know these details?
How would you gently say hey I think this isn’t great for you to go around telling parents to talk to their kids about excluding Alice, because it seems like Alice is quite sensitive and this alienates parents from her further? What would you say?
This week, Alice’s mom told me that another child Zoey was excluding Alice and that she wrote an email to Zoey’s mom about it. She further said that Zoey’s mom just didn’t respond and how mean she is. I honestly don’t know if she realizes that no one else does this or if she just assumes parents want to know these details?
How would you gently say hey I think this isn’t great for you to go around telling parents to talk to their kids about excluding Alice, because it seems like Alice is quite sensitive and this alienates parents from her further? What would you say?