Reply to When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have not invited the whole class (or all girls in class) since DD was in K, but if you are inviting all the girls in class except two, or all the girls in a certain activity except one or two, that's unkind. Either do a small party with small group of just her closest friends, or a big party and invite everyone. Trying to pick and choose creates a really unpleasant dynamic at school or in her activities.

I'm sympathetic though because a major reason we moved to much smaller parties is because there was some weird issues with some of the girls in DD's class. There was a group of girls who called DD their "friend" but they would interact with her by peppering her with questions and then teasing her for her answers, or sometimes mimicking her. The said they were "joking" so it was hard to get the teachers to do anything about it. She didnt' like it and I agreed, so that year we shifted to inviting just 2-3 girls for a smaller celebration and she discovered she liked it a lot better and we just do that now.

But I get why your DD might not want to invite a couple girls specifically -- she might have good reasons. But you're asking for drama if you just exclude them and invite everyone else.[/quote]

Op here. DD has been to 4 birthday parties this year and not one party included all the girls or the entire class.

I made my son invite all the boys in his class until end of elementary. My oldest son was in upper elementary during Covid so he only invited 3 friends and we had a party outside. That kid has always had the same close friends.[/quote]

Right, but did they include almost all the girls in class, or almost the whole class? Like was it an "everyone except two" situation? Or was it a "less than half" situation as others have described?

I would not make her invite everyone but agree with you that inviting almost everyone is just a recipe for disaster.

You don't have to invite all the way up to your venue limit, btw. I wonder if part of your DD's concern may be wanting the girls she invites to mesh and get along well together. I think that might be why she's pushing back on both these two girls and the family friends you want to invite. At her age, kids don't just automatically play well together in a group -- especially with girls, there can be a lot of self-selection and excluding based on personality. It makes a large group more fraught and she may be worried that the family friends won't feel like part of the group since all the other girls go to school together, and she may want to exclude the two specific girls not just because she doesn't like them individually but because she doesn't like how the group dynamics work with them present.

I would talk to her and think about just doing a smaller group overall. One she selects with her knowledge of the girls and how well the group will get along, but with an eye to not obviously excluding just a couple girls, which might make the party more fun but will make the school environment less fun for everyone because it will be noticed and resented. If she doesn't want to invite the family friends, I wouldnt' make her. I think you overestimate the degree to which family friends are offended by something like this. Other girls in class will be upset about being excluded from something all the other girls in class did together, but these other friends are not a cohesive group and their kids are likely not fixated on your DD's party the way a classmate might be.

Next year do a smaller party, maybe skip the venue and instead either host at home or take a smaller group for a group activity that doesn't involve reserving a whole venue. 4-5 girls going roller skating and then out to a meal after sounds like a fun birthday party, for instance.[/quote]

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