Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 10:57     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have not invited the whole class (or all girls in class) since DD was in K, but if you are inviting all the girls in class except two, or all the girls in a certain activity except one or two, that's unkind. Either do a small party with small group of just her closest friends, or a big party and invite everyone. Trying to pick and choose creates a really unpleasant dynamic at school or in her activities.

I'm sympathetic though because a major reason we moved to much smaller parties is because there was some weird issues with some of the girls in DD's class. There was a group of girls who called DD their "friend" but they would interact with her by peppering her with questions and then teasing her for her answers, or sometimes mimicking her. The said they were "joking" so it was hard to get the teachers to do anything about it. She didnt' like it and I agreed, so that year we shifted to inviting just 2-3 girls for a smaller celebration and she discovered she liked it a lot better and we just do that now.

But I get why your DD might not want to invite a couple girls specifically -- she might have good reasons. But you're asking for drama if you just exclude them and invite everyone else.


Op here. DD has been to 4 birthday parties this year and not one party included all the girls or the entire class.

I made my son invite all the boys in his class until end of elementary. My oldest son was in upper elementary during Covid so he only invited 3 friends and we had a party outside. That kid has always had the same close friends.


Right, but did they include almost all the girls in class, or almost the whole class? Like was it an "everyone except two" situation? Or was it a "less than half" situation as others have described?

I would not make her invite everyone but agree with you that inviting almost everyone is just a recipe for disaster.

You don't have to invite all the way up to your venue limit, btw. I wonder if part of your DD's concern may be wanting the girls she invites to mesh and get along well together. I think that might be why she's pushing back on both these two girls and the family friends you want to invite. At her age, kids don't just automatically play well together in a group -- especially with girls, there can be a lot of self-selection and excluding based on personality. It makes a large group more fraught and she may be worried that the family friends won't feel like part of the group since all the other girls go to school together, and she may want to exclude the two specific girls not just because she doesn't like them individually but because she doesn't like how the group dynamics work with them present.

I would talk to her and think about just doing a smaller group overall. One she selects with her knowledge of the girls and how well the group will get along, but with an eye to not obviously excluding just a couple girls, which might make the party more fun but will make the school environment less fun for everyone because it will be noticed and resented. If she doesn't want to invite the family friends, I wouldnt' make her. I think you overestimate the degree to which family friends are offended by something like this. Other girls in class will be upset about being excluded from something all the other girls in class did together, but these other friends are not a cohesive group and their kids are likely not fixated on your DD's party the way a classmate might be.

Next year do a smaller party, maybe skip the venue and instead either host at home or take a smaller group for a group activity that doesn't involve reserving a whole venue. 4-5 girls going roller skating and then out to a meal after sounds like a fun birthday party, for instance.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 10:30     Subject: Re:When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:OP: Figure out what type of party you are having, figure out the space needed, and set a number for the guest list. Let your child decide who she wants to invite.

DS's largest ES party was K, we invited pretty much all the boys. After that, we asked him who he wanted to invite. He gave us his list. We would ask if there were some additional kids he wanted to include, based on shared interests and activities. Sometimes he said yes but mainly he said no. There are some kids he has invited to specific parties but not sleep overs because the kid is just too much. We don't post pictures of the party or make much of a mention of it because we don't want to hurt anyone, but we are not inviting a kid our son doesn't want to invite.

He is in 8th grade now, so I get that it is different, but we have always held the opinion that he knows who he wants to hang out with and if he doesn't want to invite a particular child then we need to respect that.


We booked the venue. Our party is for up to 20 but we can add extra. For this party, space limitations is not an issue. DD just doesn’t want to invite the girls she isn’t friends with.

She made a guest list of 16. I am urging her to invite the remaining 2 girls and about 5 girls we have known since kindergarten.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 10:02     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:If there are 10 girls in the class, she needs to invite all 10 OR invite half or less. So either 4 girls from class (plus OPs daughter making 5) or all the girls. You know this. Just like you don't invite 8 of your 10 coworkers over for a BBQ when all 10 of you are on the same work team.


This and if you are friends with the parents and going to their holiday parties, you should invite them.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 10:02     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have not invited the whole class (or all girls in class) since DD was in K, but if you are inviting all the girls in class except two, or all the girls in a certain activity except one or two, that's unkind. Either do a small party with small group of just her closest friends, or a big party and invite everyone. Trying to pick and choose creates a really unpleasant dynamic at school or in her activities.

I'm sympathetic though because a major reason we moved to much smaller parties is because there was some weird issues with some of the girls in DD's class. There was a group of girls who called DD their "friend" but they would interact with her by peppering her with questions and then teasing her for her answers, or sometimes mimicking her. The said they were "joking" so it was hard to get the teachers to do anything about it. She didnt' like it and I agreed, so that year we shifted to inviting just 2-3 girls for a smaller celebration and she discovered she liked it a lot better and we just do that now.

But I get why your DD might not want to invite a couple girls specifically -- she might have good reasons. But you're asking for drama if you just exclude them and invite everyone else.


Op here. DD has been to 4 birthday parties this year and not one party included all the girls or the entire class.

I made my son invite all the boys in his class until end of elementary. My oldest son was in upper elementary during Covid so he only invited 3 friends and we had a party outside. That kid has always had the same close friends.


This has been our experience after maybe kindergarten. I don't think the all class invites are nearly as common in life as they are on DCUM. My fourth grader has gone two whole years without an invite from anyone in her class.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 09:58     Subject: Re:When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
OP: Figure out what type of party you are having, figure out the space needed, and set a number for the guest list. Let your child decide who she wants to invite.

DS's largest ES party was K, we invited pretty much all the boys. After that, we asked him who he wanted to invite. He gave us his list. We would ask if there were some additional kids he wanted to include, based on shared interests and activities. Sometimes he said yes but mainly he said no. There are some kids he has invited to specific parties but not sleep overs because the kid is just too much. We don't post pictures of the party or make much of a mention of it because we don't want to hurt anyone, but we are not inviting a kid our son doesn't want to invite.

He is in 8th grade now, so I get that it is different, but we have always held the opinion that he knows who he wants to hang out with and if he doesn't want to invite a particular child then we need to respect that.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 09:56     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have not invited the whole class (or all girls in class) since DD was in K, but if you are inviting all the girls in class except two, or all the girls in a certain activity except one or two, that's unkind. Either do a small party with small group of just her closest friends, or a big party and invite everyone. Trying to pick and choose creates a really unpleasant dynamic at school or in her activities.

I'm sympathetic though because a major reason we moved to much smaller parties is because there was some weird issues with some of the girls in DD's class. There was a group of girls who called DD their "friend" but they would interact with her by peppering her with questions and then teasing her for her answers, or sometimes mimicking her. The said they were "joking" so it was hard to get the teachers to do anything about it. She didnt' like it and I agreed, so that year we shifted to inviting just 2-3 girls for a smaller celebration and she discovered she liked it a lot better and we just do that now.

But I get why your DD might not want to invite a couple girls specifically -- she might have good reasons. But you're asking for drama if you just exclude them and invite everyone else.


Op here. DD has been to 4 birthday parties this year and not one party included all the girls or the entire class.

I made my son invite all the boys in his class until end of elementary. My oldest son was in upper elementary during Covid so he only invited 3 friends and we had a party outside. That kid has always had the same close friends.


Well there's your answer she doesn't need to invite everyone. It's her party let her spend it with people she's going to enjoy being around.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 09:06     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:We have not invited the whole class (or all girls in class) since DD was in K, but if you are inviting all the girls in class except two, or all the girls in a certain activity except one or two, that's unkind. Either do a small party with small group of just her closest friends, or a big party and invite everyone. Trying to pick and choose creates a really unpleasant dynamic at school or in her activities.

I'm sympathetic though because a major reason we moved to much smaller parties is because there was some weird issues with some of the girls in DD's class. There was a group of girls who called DD their "friend" but they would interact with her by peppering her with questions and then teasing her for her answers, or sometimes mimicking her. The said they were "joking" so it was hard to get the teachers to do anything about it. She didnt' like it and I agreed, so that year we shifted to inviting just 2-3 girls for a smaller celebration and she discovered she liked it a lot better and we just do that now.

But I get why your DD might not want to invite a couple girls specifically -- she might have good reasons. But you're asking for drama if you just exclude them and invite everyone else.


Op here. DD has been to 4 birthday parties this year and not one party included all the girls or the entire class.

I made my son invite all the boys in his class until end of elementary. My oldest son was in upper elementary during Covid so he only invited 3 friends and we had a party outside. That kid has always had the same close friends.
Anonymous
Post 12/09/2025 06:25     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
At no age is it okay to invite all the girls in your class but two. If you end up at a tiny high school with 15 girls in your grade, it would not be okay to invite 13 of them to your 18th birthday.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2025 22:37     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
We have not invited the whole class (or all girls in class) since DD was in K, but if you are inviting all the girls in class except two, or all the girls in a certain activity except one or two, that's unkind. Either do a small party with small group of just her closest friends, or a big party and invite everyone. Trying to pick and choose creates a really unpleasant dynamic at school or in her activities.

I'm sympathetic though because a major reason we moved to much smaller parties is because there was some weird issues with some of the girls in DD's class. There was a group of girls who called DD their "friend" but they would interact with her by peppering her with questions and then teasing her for her answers, or sometimes mimicking her. The said they were "joking" so it was hard to get the teachers to do anything about it. She didnt' like it and I agreed, so that year we shifted to inviting just 2-3 girls for a smaller celebration and she discovered she liked it a lot better and we just do that now.

But I get why your DD might not want to invite a couple girls specifically -- she might have good reasons. But you're asking for drama if you just exclude them and invite everyone else.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2025 22:26     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Parent friend kids that don't really play with the birthday kid otherwise get dropped around this age, definitely by the 10th birthday. It has happened to us, it's not awkward because you know the kids aren't close friends.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2025 22:26     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:I agree with you. In particular, she needs to invite the 2 extra girls in her class. Maybe not the other ones outside the class, if she insists.

Question re the other girls: Is she cooler than them or are they cooler than her? If she is cooler, she should just invite them. If they are cool mean girls, it may be awkward for her to invite them.

I remember in seventh grade when my mom insisted I should be inviting every girl. She was wrong. They were mean girls who absolutely did not want to come to my party and in 7th I was somewhat shy and awkward and the new girl. My mom did not get that I was no longer th popular girl I had been at my old school and that for me to invite these cool girls to my party would be weird.


OP’s DD is turning nine, ie in 3rd grade, which is a completely different stage and dynamic than your 7th grade middle school experience that you are drawing on.

As others have suggested, the invite either less than half or all of the girls in the class rule should absolutely be followed.

Anonymous
Post 12/08/2025 22:19     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
I agree with you. In particular, she needs to invite the 2 extra girls in her class. Maybe not the other ones outside the class, if she insists.

Question re the other girls: Is she cooler than them or are they cooler than her? If she is cooler, she should just invite them. If they are cool mean girls, it may be awkward for her to invite them.

I remember in seventh grade when my mom insisted I should be inviting every girl. She was wrong. They were mean girls who absolutely did not want to come to my party and in 7th I was somewhat shy and awkward and the new girl. My mom did not get that I was no longer th popular girl I had been at my old school and that for me to invite these cool girls to my party would be weird.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2025 22:15     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
If there are 10 girls in the class, she needs to invite all 10 OR invite half or less. So either 4 girls from class (plus OPs daughter making 5) or all the girls. You know this. Just like you don't invite 8 of your 10 coworkers over for a BBQ when all 10 of you are on the same work team.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2025 22:08     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
Anonymous wrote:DD is turning 9. There are 10 girls in her class. She doesn’t want to invite 2 girls, both girls she doesn’t play with and doesn’t like. Then there are some girls who have been in her class previously or do activities or sports together. I’m friends with parents and we see these people regularly. We are going or attended their holiday and birthday parties. Girls don’t really play together at school.

When do you stop inviting the class or all girls in class?


I would probably just invite all the girls of the class, you can’t leave two out. I also probably wouldn’t include the non class girls as that just sounds like too many kids to be fun, and lots of possibilities for cliques to show or people not meshing.
We don’t have a hard maximum so we can easily invite these extra 6-7 girls. I think she should invite the 2 girls in her class and the handful of girls we have known since kindergarten. It may be awkward not to invite them and they will all find out as girls talk.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2025 21:37     Subject: When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?
DD is turning 9. There are 10 girls in her class. She doesn’t want to invite 2 girls, both girls she doesn’t play with and doesn’t like. Then there are some girls who have been in her class previously or do activities or sports together. I’m friends with parents and we see these people regularly. We are going or attended their holiday and birthday parties. Girls don’t really play together at school.

When do you stop inviting the class or all girls in class?

We don’t have a hard maximum so we can easily invite these extra 6-7 girls. I think she should invite the 2 girls in her class and the handful of girls we have known since kindergarten. It may be awkward not to invite them and they will all find out as girls talk.