Reply to marriage and SN kids - staying together "for the kids" changes

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[quote=Anonymous]Also BTDT. Violent kid with terrible mental health issues that were out of control for about a decade or so and before that other disabilities. It is so hard when you’re Going through it and so many days are about survival.

End of the story is that we stayed together and we rebuilt our relationship when time and circumstances permitted. My spouse is a really good person and really supported our son. So much of the time it felt like we were living parallel lives and our coupleness was gone, but because we were both there, we could both live our lives instead of having to always be present for our kids. Neither of us had to step back from our careers which are really important to us because we both stepped in when it was needed. And we could give each other breaks when we were totally spent.

Covid brought home just how important having another adult present was. I had to move with our kids to our other house because spouse worked in healthcare. I spent almost two months straight all alone trying to survive a seriously mentally ill violent child while not letting our other kids fall apart. Any thoughts I might have had about wishing for romance and that the grass might be greener were gone after that. I just wanted help and I wanted it from the only other person who loved our child.

Anyway, now that we’re past the worst and have time for each other, we remember why we wanted to be together in the first place.  We spend most of our free time together because we’re pretty much each other’s favorite people and we Plan for it to stay that way.  And we have this deep connection from having parented though terribly difficult situation for a decade of our lives, resulting in all of our kids being successful. I don’t think I will ever connect like this with someone else. No regrets for sticking it out and really happy with how things are now. [/quote]

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