Reply to marriage and SN kids - staying together "for the kids" changes

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[quote=Anonymous]After reading posts on the regular forums, I have to admit after years with an ASD aggressive child and DH and I trying each to work together and then to survive, things are on edge.  Together we can afford specific child care with a nanny who has always known DS, now 12, and can coordinate services for him.  We are UMC for DC ($600k HHI) and if we split into two houses it would come apart and our NT DD would also suffer.  I feel like life is different in this situation where DS is so not adaptable and also has things that are working for him.  It's also the case that our childcare situation is uniquely challenging and different than other cases -- most of my colleagues have no idea why we can't just leave DS at home or get a babysitter, when the reality is he is aggressive and we are insanely lucky to be able to keep a 1-1 aide at school for him. That said, DH and I are cordial at best and just worn out. the idea of real affection is a distant dream for me but I realize that chasing that would be horrible for my kids.  DH is a truly good person, and he sees that too. We are both just at the ends of our ropes.  We are really different people and yes it would be ideal if we also remained affectionate, but we are both really, really tired and also have big dreams as people that I think we each are holding onto in the sh*tshow of our daily life.  It's hard to reconcile being beat up at home by a child with major health issues (so yes, it isn't as dangerous as it could be) and then go to work and lead major initiatives for the public good.  DH is in his own position similarly.

I'm curious how you are dealing with this situation as a couple and if you have advice. Feel free to judge but keep in mind you haven't walked in our shoes and I probably haven't walked in yours. thank you for any kindness or wisdom.[/quote]

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