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[quote=Anonymous]Sorry that this is a long read but looking for advice.

DD is currently in 8th grade. When she started at her middle school in 6th, she became friends with a group of 6-8 girls and they had all been pretty close. There had been some minor drama but nothing too crazy until this year.

In October, one of the girls (let’s call her Larla) had a falling out with my DD and a couple of the other girls, but has since made up with all of the others except my DD. My DD says she was not the instigator of the drama but was equally involved as the others (including Larla), so she doesn’t understand why Larla is still upset with her and no one else. My DD has tried to ask Larla what she did wrong and has apologized several times even though she says she has no clue what she could have done, but Larla will not accept her apologies and it has created a lot of tension in their friend group.

About 3 weeks ago Larla’s mom asked to talk (I don’t know her well but always thought she seemed nice/fine). She told me that Larla has been very upset because my DD won’t let it go that Larla doesn’t want to be her friend and is being mean and confrontational at school, which has given her anxiety. Additionally she said that my DD keeps trying to turn everyone in the friend group against Larla which is unacceptable. I didn’t say much during the conversation because I was caught off guard a bit, but said I will talk to my DD to see what she has to say.

I spoke to my DD and of course got a different side of the story. She did admit that she has been in the wrong, but also shared examples of what Larla has been doing that are equally bad so she is not the only one to blame. I told her to just not speak to Larla or engage with her a little while to let everything blow over, and to not talk about her with friends because it’s putting them in a different situation and it seems like some people are playing both sides, which is making the whole situation worse.

The problem is that my DD has been ignoring Larla completely for a few weeks now, but Larla continues giving my DD dirty looks anytime she sees her, is constantly turning to friends and whispering when she enters the room while looking at my DD, and talking about her behind her back to others - my DD says a couple friends have been telling her that Larla keeps telling them not to be friends with my DD anymore.

So my question is - do I just stay out of this completely or do I go back to the other mom and say that I did my part to get my DD to leave her alone and now she needs to do her part as well? I know the mom believes her DD has done nothing wrong so I probably won’t be able to change her mind on that. Is there anything else I can tell my DD to do since she is getting very frustrated that she can’t react or call Larla out.

And for the record, I never would have reached out to another parent over something like this, but since she did reach out to me I don’t like her thinking that her daughter is the victim here and mine is so horrible.[/quote]

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