We had this exact issue in 8th grade. Please do not call the mom no good will come out of it and I am saying the from personal experience.

It is a tough time just be there for you daughter at home. I hope things work out.

And one thing that helped my DD was she had friends from her other activities.

Ugh. Stay out of it, OP. Your main focus should be that your DD has supportive friends, whether through this group or another. She should be polite to Larla if they need to interact, but otherwise, leave her be.

I've been in similar situations with my eighth grade DD and while they often resolve one way or the other, it's tough before they do.

Anonymous wrote:What has happened with the other 6 girls in the group. Are they still friends with both Larla and your DD. Are they now split into two groups and had to take sides? Do they all still hangout together if your DD is avoiding Larla?

The friend group is a pretty good barometer. They know both of them and see them day in and day out. Kids by 8th grade know who is the problem. If the friend group has gravitated towards your DD, then they know Larla is just stirring up stuff, if its the opposite then your DD is the problem. If they split in half, they are just over the drama and picked sides.

This is OP. The group is pretty much all still friends, which makes it really hard for everyone else to be in the middle of this. Larla also has made some other friends outside of this group from what I have been told. For example, my DD says Larla eats at a different lunch table now sometimes whereas before they all ate together every day. There are a couple girls who seem to be on my DD’s side and said they have texts they would be willing to share to show it’s not only my DD being mean to her, but I really don’t want to put them in the middle of this.

What has happened with the other 6 girls in the group. Are they still friends with both Larla and your DD. Are they now split into two groups and had to take sides? Do they all still hangout together if your DD is avoiding Larla?

The friend group is a pretty good barometer. They know both of them and see them day in and day out. Kids by 8th grade know who is the problem. If the friend group has gravitated towards your DD, then they know Larla is just stirring up stuff, if its the opposite then your DD is the problem. If they split in half, they are just over the drama and picked sides.

This is such a hard time- 8th grade is particularly tough. When my DD was this age, my advice was to kill ‘em with kindness. Continue interacting with the friend group but be particularly nice to the girl causing problems, especially in front of the others. Not in a fake or mean way, just be polite, don’t talk negatively about the other person and find ways to compliment her in front of the group. If your DD is being nice, it will only reflect poorly on Larla is she continues to be rude. Remind your DD that in life, there are always going to be people who are rude and immature, and that sometime you have to suck it up, be the bigger person and just be kind. If she tries this and Larla continues with the BS, then time for your DD to move on. Luckily, friend groups shift around a LOT between 8th and 9th grade.

Personally, I would let it go but, if I caught wind of Larla going further or continuing passed break with poor behavior, I would absolutely call the mom.
- coming from my mom who never intervened, but in hindsight, I probably should have

Your DD is clearly a problem. Do nothing, stay out of it. Hopefully, she'll learn from this and make new friends.

Anonymous wrote:Eighth grade is pretty much the last year you can ask the school for help with this kind of drama. Larla and your DD need a school counselor (a non-parental neutral) to sit them down and see if they can work through this. Call Larla’s Mom only to see if she would help facilitate such a thing.

I completely disagree and think that will make it worse in 8th grade. They will sit there and say the right things. Both will tell the counselor there is not a problem and they don’t have any issues and can agree to move on. Then one or both will go their friends and say how stupid it was they had to have the meeting and which mom called the counselor? And it will be worse.

6th grade is the last year you can get the counselor involved in something like that.

Eighth grade is pretty much the last year you can ask the school for help with this kind of drama. Larla and your DD need a school counselor (a non-parental neutral) to sit them down and see if they can work through this. Call Larla’s Mom only to see if she would help facilitate such a thing.

Do not reach out to the other mom and if she contacts you again, tell her you are staying out of it. Neither of you know the full story.

Tell your daughter to ignore this girl but not to be mean to her. Remind her not to gossip and not to post or comment about anyone online ever. That’s good general advice.

These years are hard. Friendships change. Encourage her to make friends in different circles.

Tell your DD to ignore Larla, and to tell her friends "I just want to be friends with you guys. Please can we not bring up Larla anymore?"

Do not reach out to the mother, it will not go well. Stay out of it. Encourage your daughter to explore new friendships and if she asks to join a new activity LET HER, barring financial hardship.

I think I’d try reaching out to the other mom as she reached out to you initially. It’s hard because they’re in the same circles.

You spoke to Larlas mom and you spoke to your daughter to include advising her on how to handle this all.

Let it go.

Sorry that this is a long read but looking for advice.

DD is currently in 8th grade. When she started at her middle school in 6th, she became friends with a group of 6-8 girls and they had all been pretty close. There had been some minor drama but nothing too crazy until this year.

In October, one of the girls (let’s call her Larla) had a falling out with my DD and a couple of the other girls, but has since made up with all of the others except my DD. My DD says she was not the instigator of the drama but was equally involved as the others (including Larla), so she doesn’t understand why Larla is still upset with her and no one else. My DD has tried to ask Larla what she did wrong and has apologized several times even though she says she has no clue what she could have done, but Larla will not accept her apologies and it has created a lot of tension in their friend group.

About 3 weeks ago Larla’s mom asked to talk (I don’t know her well but always thought she seemed nice/fine). She told me that Larla has been very upset because my DD won’t let it go that Larla doesn’t want to be her friend and is being mean and confrontational at school, which has given her anxiety. Additionally she said that my DD keeps trying to turn everyone in the friend group against Larla which is unacceptable. I didn’t say much during the conversation because I was caught off guard a bit, but said I will talk to my DD to see what she has to say.

I spoke to my DD and of course got a different side of the story. She did admit that she has been in the wrong, but also shared examples of what Larla has been doing that are equally bad so she is not the only one to blame. I told her to just not speak to Larla or engage with her a little while to let everything blow over, and to not talk about her with friends because it’s putting them in a different situation and it seems like some people are playing both sides, which is making the whole situation worse.

The problem is that my DD has been ignoring Larla completely for a few weeks now, but Larla continues giving my DD dirty looks anytime she sees her, is constantly turning to friends and whispering when she enters the room while looking at my DD, and talking about her behind her back to others - my DD says a couple friends have been telling her that Larla keeps telling them not to be friends with my DD anymore.

So my question is - do I just stay out of this completely or do I go back to the other mom and say that I did my part to get my DD to leave her alone and now she needs to do her part as well? I know the mom believes her DD has done nothing wrong so I probably won’t be able to change her mind on that. Is there anything else I can tell my DD to do since she is getting very frustrated that she can’t react or call Larla out.

And for the record, I never would have reached out to another parent over something like this, but since she did reach out to me I don’t like her thinking that her daughter is the victim here and mine is so horrible.