Reply to Oprah podcast on estranged families

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm watching it now and it's very good. They do a good job of talking to people from all sides of the issue. I liked the panel of experts too. I'm a big Lindsay Gibson fan and what she said resonated most with me, and I really liked what Nedra Tawwab said as well. I think it was important for Joshua Coleman to be on the panel because he looks at it from the parents' perspective and that matters even when you disagree with the parents.

[b]I actually found the most telling exchange, around the 56/57 minute mark, was when the black father finishes telling his story of reconciling with his daughter, detailing his willingness to go to therapy and openness to the idea that what his daughter was saying about him my gut be true. Gibson talks about how his willingness to self reflect, and openness to see things from his daughter's perspective, is the definition of emotional maturity. I think people don't understand this, that vulnerability and willingness to be wrong is a mark of maturity. It's a really important lesson.[/b]

I also liked what Coleman said right after that about how children are different and can respond to the same parenting differently, that some kids may perceive your behavior as a parent more sharply and hard because they are fundamentally more sensitive. I think so often that's how this happens. You have to parent the child you have.[/quote]

I agree with you about the highlighted part. I think it's self-reflection and then accountability that are crucial. While I agree temperament plays a role, I think he left out golden child scapegoat. Now it may be those roles are chosen based on temperament, but also being the scapegoat can make you pretty anxious and unsteady. I also think Coleman just has a lot more of his own work to do. I am glad he reconciled with his daughter and can enjoy being a grandparent, but it almost arounds like he just played along and learned the lingo,but still makes excuses and doesn't want to be accountable.[/quote]

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