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[quote=Anonymous]My husband has been divorced for 25 years, we have been married for 18. My stepson is 26. In other words, he's never known anything but two parents who shared custody and have always had a contentious relationship. Honestly, I'm tired of it and thought we would be well past this by now. My stepson is single, and a grad student, but I still envisioned a relationship where we welcomed him to our house for the holidays, and he would let us know what events he was available for and when he was not available, or, alternately, let us know when he was available so we could schedule things like dinner or Hanukah celebrations with his younger sister (age 16).

Instead, he doesn't want to "get between" his parents and wants DH and his ex to divvy up the time. So I am now in my second decade of not knowing when I will see DSS for the holidays (note that it's the Monday before Thanksgiving and I have no clue what events he will be attending) and I have to listen to my DH complain about dealing with his ex.

So, what's the DCUM opinion? Is DH being enabling by continuing to allow this dynamic instead of just opening our house to DSS, not engaging with ex, and asking DSS to please just let us know his plans? Or is he being extremely kind by recognizing DSS didn't create this situation and it's his job to continue to take the brunt of the logistical challenge? Will it naturally take care of itself when DSS finds a more serious partner? [/quote]

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