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[quote=Anonymous]You are NOT failing your baby. He's growing and happy. You're doing great.

It's totally normal for pumping to not work as well as nursing for some people. NORMAL. There are a ton of options here - you could swing by a lactation consultant. They have things that test your pump (maybe you got a lemon?) or could recommend a stronger one. If you're not going back to work for a while or work from home, you may be able to manage EBF without pumping much or at all if it doesn't work well for you. You may need to pump more frequently than your baby needs. With my first, I had to do a short pump right after my baby ate in the morning, then pump three times in the work day to get enough for the two bottles my baby had when I was at work - so I essentially got a half a feed per pump. Totally fine.

You may decide it's too much of a hassle and supplement with formula when you're out or working, that's also totally fine (one of my babies was exclusively formula fed and he's thriving just like the other two! It happens!) It's also possible your baby just don't take very much per feed. If you're still feeding 8+ times a day, and he's getting more in the morning, 2-2.5 oz in afternoon/evening feeds might be adequate for him. You are far, far from a problem. You're just moving into a new phase (using some pumped milk) and need to figure it out. It's totally fine.

However, your reaction seems over the top emotionally - feelings of failure, dreams about it, terrified to pump, sadness, anxiety, and in particular, some shame (that you don't want to tell anyone is a huge red flag). That combined with a history of an eating disorder tells me that the bigger problem here isn't baby feeding, but rather your emotional health. I would strongly encourage you to tell someone. Your husband? A close friend? A therapist? I think you need help, not for your baby, but for you. [/quote]

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