Reply to How to make the most of "little kid years"?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids are 9, 11, and 13.

I feel like we parents of older kids often tend to think "why was I so stressed?" about what are often called little kid problems. And yeah - once those little kid problems are solved, or handled, or you learn to live with them or whatever, they aren't so stressful any more. But that's because they're handled! They're solved! You know what to do when they come up!

I don't know how in the world you'd be less stressed before that's done - before you know what to do with the food refusal, or the temper tantrum, or the clothing sensitivity, or the social skills issue, or whatever it is. If it was just about choosing not to be stressed, then "big kid problems" wouldn't be stressful either (yeah, not even college acceptances and drugs and all the rest) because you'd just chose it.

And if it's about how important the problem is to long term success, isn't learning to eat your vegetables just as important as not getting addicted to alcohol? Both impact your health, after all.

So I tend to give a bombastic side-eye (as my 13 year old loves to say) to those parents of older kids who act like the little kid years are so easy. They really aren't.[/quote]

This is a great response.

There is too much pressure on parents these days. Moms especially. Some of it comes from social media but there's also just this ambient expectation that parenting look a certain way.

I will say that the best thing you can do with your kids at any age is find ways to be with them that bring out the best in both of you. This can actually mean doing LESS, especially if you have a kid who sometimes struggles with change, excitement, being off schedule, etc. I have a high needs kid who can be a handful at times and looking back, all my best memories with her are at home, just hanging out -- watching movies, reading books, painting nails, just joking around. My memories of some of our big trips and activities are of dealing with tears, explosive feelings, refusal to participate, complaining. I don't regret that stuff, it was important for her growth (and mine) and learning to deal with life when you have less control. But my dearest memories of the little kid years are bedtime snuggles and at-home meals and activities, not Disney or pumpkin patches or foreign travel (though we did those things too).

Do less! Try to enjoy what you can. Accept there will be good and bad and that's just part of it -- it's a rich, full experience, not a highlight reel.[/quote]

OP here. All these replies are so thoughtful and validating - thank you PPs.

PP, I like what you said about doing less and enjoying those simple moments with them. Sometimes I feel like even this requires intention, when ideally it would be like second nature. I realized I was spending too much time on my phone and am putting it away when I'm with them. Another thing I did recently is realized I had my kindergartener signed up for a bunch of non-school day programming during random school closure days so I could work. I am going to take off work on some of these days instead, aside from the ones where her good friends are attending the same program.

It helps me feel at ease to make some shifts like this in an effort to be present, even if I'll always wish I had more time, as some PPs said. [/quote]

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