Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are young adults and I sometimes think that the best time of my life was their little kid years. I loved it so much. We both worked full time and we both contributed to taking care of the household - each playing to strengths and likes. So, I did most of the childcare stuff because I was good at it and fast at it and didn't mind it. OTOH, I have never once taken out the trash or done yard work besides plant a couple of flowers and feed the birds. People here would likely criticize my arrangement because literally spouse never once met any of our kids teachers or doctors and one had a lot of medical complications, which, as an aside means that we didn't have the easiest of kids. But it worked for us and we never fought about who was doing what and whether we were both fairly contributing.

I had lots of time for my kids because I am an organization freak and I prepare in advance. I rarely brought work home. I laid out clothes for the week on Sunday right after I did laundry. I packed lunches for the week all at once and as soon as they were eligible for school lunch, I set up an account so I could be rid of that chore. I grocery shopped at Costco every other week. I have a lot of energy - partly, I think, because I started every day with a 5 am workout. And, I am pretty chill when it comes to kid stuff so that helped. Like, if they got to bed late, missed a nap or had to nap in the car, it would work itself out.

The biggest things are that I built traditions for our family - both daily and things like holidays. Like, for day to day, one of our traditions was to end the day reading in my bedroom before bed all the way through HS. I set up a couch and a chair and the kids would also lay on the floor. We play cards after dinner and every time we go out to eat together. And, I made notes for their lunches everyday - which they loved and saved. I volunteered at school when I could, which was much more in MS and HS. Never missed a sports event, school play or whatever they were into. I never missed a Halloween parade - I took the day off every year so I could ensure that I'd be there. Spouse does not have as good of attendance as I did but went to a lot, but it was more important to the kids that I be there.

We took big vacations a couple of times a year - trips really, because we don't tend to relax - from the time they were very little. I took more amazing hikes with a kid on my back than I can remember, my favorite and probably the hardest being Bryce Canyons. I had no issue traveling alone with the three of them so we could tag along on work trips with my spouse. (Spouse wasn't so good at that once we had three kids, but with the first two, they tagged along with me). When we had little money for trips, we drove instead of flying, tent camped instead of hotels and took peanut butter, jelly and bread so we didn't have to stop for food. I made car trips pleasant by using cookie sheets to make racetracks for hot wheels. Of course we had a portable DVD - until the youngest, people weren't using cellphones to watch movies yet.

We never missed a community event and we were the last family to leave the pool every night in the summer because they had so much fun. I treated most weekends like a vacation and went someplace. If there was nothing going on in DC and I didn't feel like doing a museum or the zoo again, I'd take them camping or on a day trip to the beach. I also taught them things like how to sew and my spouse taught them how to do basic plumbing and electric work.

As they got older, we became the go to house and I would always take their friends on activities and trips with us and let them stay over whenever they wanted. We hosted lots of Friday night movie and pizza nights through late ES and MS and many sports team gatherings. Even if we weren't scheduled to host, when the scheduled host cancelled last minute, we always stepped in. We volunteered at their school's sporting events even if our kids weren't playing.

Another big thing is that everyone in my family is genuinely kind to each other. We taught the kids to be interested in each other. It makes everyone want to be together. The best part of all of this is that as young adults, my family is still really close and my kids all really count on each other if they need something. And, now that we are empty nesters, they choose to spend time together even when we aren't around.

Hope I gave you some ideas and that you make some wonderful memories. They do grow up fast.

I’m exhausted just reading this. I do think having some family traditions is nice (as long as you aren’t inventing traditions for the sake of having traditions but encouraging the things that work for you organically).

Overall count me in the “do less” camp 😉

Anonymous wrote:My kids are young adults and I sometimes think that the best time of my life was their little kid years. I loved it so much. We both worked full time and we both contributed to taking care of the household - each playing to strengths and likes. So, I did most of the childcare stuff because I was good at it and fast at it and didn't mind it. OTOH, I have never once taken out the trash or done yard work besides plant a couple of flowers and feed the birds. People here would likely criticize my arrangement because literally spouse never once met any of our kids teachers or doctors and one had a lot of medical complications, which, as an aside means that we didn't have the easiest of kids. But it worked for us and we never fought about who was doing what and whether we were both fairly contributing.

I had lots of time for my kids because I am an organization freak and I prepare in advance. I rarely brought work home. I laid out clothes for the week on Sunday right after I did laundry. I packed lunches for the week all at once and as soon as they were eligible for school lunch, I set up an account so I could be rid of that chore. I grocery shopped at Costco every other week. I have a lot of energy - partly, I think, because I started every day with a 5 am workout. And, I am pretty chill when it comes to kid stuff so that helped. Like, if they got to bed late, missed a nap or had to nap in the car, it would work itself out.

The biggest things are that I built traditions for our family - both daily and things like holidays. Like, for day to day, one of our traditions was to end the day reading in my bedroom before bed all the way through HS. I set up a couch and a chair and the kids would also lay on the floor. We play cards after dinner and every time we go out to eat together. And, I made notes for their lunches everyday - which they loved and saved. I volunteered at school when I could, which was much more in MS and HS. Never missed a sports event, school play or whatever they were into. I never missed a Halloween parade - I took the day off every year so I could ensure that I'd be there. Spouse does not have as good of attendance as I did but went to a lot, but it was more important to the kids that I be there.

We took big vacations a couple of times a year - trips really, because we don't tend to relax - from the time they were very little. I took more amazing hikes with a kid on my back than I can remember, my favorite and probably the hardest being Bryce Canyons. I had no issue traveling alone with the three of them so we could tag along on work trips with my spouse. (Spouse wasn't so good at that once we had three kids, but with the first two, they tagged along with me). When we had little money for trips, we drove instead of flying, tent camped instead of hotels and took peanut butter, jelly and bread so we didn't have to stop for food. I made car trips pleasant by using cookie sheets to make racetracks for hot wheels. Of course we had a portable DVD - until the youngest, people weren't using cellphones to watch movies yet.

We never missed a community event and we were the last family to leave the pool every night in the summer because they had so much fun. I treated most weekends like a vacation and went someplace. If there was nothing going on in DC and I didn't feel like doing a museum or the zoo again, I'd take them camping or on a day trip to the beach. I also taught them things like how to sew and my spouse taught them how to do basic plumbing and electric work.

As they got older, we became the go to house and I would always take their friends on activities and trips with us and let them stay over whenever they wanted. We hosted lots of Friday night movie and pizza nights through late ES and MS and many sports team gatherings. Even if we weren't scheduled to host, when the scheduled host cancelled last minute, we always stepped in. We volunteered at their school's sporting events even if our kids weren't playing.

Another big thing is that everyone in my family is genuinely kind to each other. We taught the kids to be interested in each other. It makes everyone want to be together. The best part of all of this is that as young adults, my family is still really close and my kids all really count on each other if they need something. And, now that we are empty nesters, they choose to spend time together even when we aren't around.

Hope I gave you some ideas and that you make some wonderful memories. They do grow up fast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 9, 11, and 13.

I feel like we parents of older kids often tend to think "why was I so stressed?" about what are often called little kid problems. And yeah - once those little kid problems are solved, or handled, or you learn to live with them or whatever, they aren't so stressful any more. But that's because they're handled! They're solved! You know what to do when they come up!

I don't know how in the world you'd be less stressed before that's done - before you know what to do with the food refusal, or the temper tantrum, or the clothing sensitivity, or the social skills issue, or whatever it is. If it was just about choosing not to be stressed, then "big kid problems" wouldn't be stressful either (yeah, not even college acceptances and drugs and all the rest) because you'd just chose it.

And if it's about how important the problem is to long term success, isn't learning to eat your vegetables just as important as not getting addicted to alcohol? Both impact your health, after all.

So I tend to give a bombastic side-eye (as my 13 year old loves to say) to those parents of older kids who act like the little kid years are so easy. They really aren't.

This is a great response.

There is too much pressure on parents these days. Moms especially. Some of it comes from social media but there's also just this ambient expectation that parenting look a certain way.

I will say that the best thing you can do with your kids at any age is find ways to be with them that bring out the best in both of you. This can actually mean doing LESS, especially if you have a kid who sometimes struggles with change, excitement, being off schedule, etc. I have a high needs kid who can be a handful at times and looking back, all my best memories with her are at home, just hanging out -- watching movies, reading books, painting nails, just joking around. My memories of some of our big trips and activities are of dealing with tears, explosive feelings, refusal to participate, complaining. I don't regret that stuff, it was important for her growth (and mine) and learning to deal with life when you have less control. But my dearest memories of the little kid years are bedtime snuggles and at-home meals and activities, not Disney or pumpkin patches or foreign travel (though we did those things too).

Do less! Try to enjoy what you can. Accept there will be good and bad and that's just part of it -- it's a rich, full experience, not a highlight reel.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 9, 11, and 13.

I feel like we parents of older kids often tend to think "why was I so stressed?" about what are often called little kid problems. And yeah - once those little kid problems are solved, or handled, or you learn to live with them or whatever, they aren't so stressful any more. But that's because they're handled! They're solved! You know what to do when they come up!

I don't know how in the world you'd be less stressed before that's done - before you know what to do with the food refusal, or the temper tantrum, or the clothing sensitivity, or the social skills issue, or whatever it is. If it was just about choosing not to be stressed, then "big kid problems" wouldn't be stressful either (yeah, not even college acceptances and drugs and all the rest) because you'd just chose it.

And if it's about how important the problem is to long term success, isn't learning to eat your vegetables just as important as not getting addicted to alcohol? Both impact your health, after all.

So I tend to give a bombastic side-eye (as my 13 year old loves to say) to those parents of older kids who act like the little kid years are so easy. They really aren't.