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[quote=Anonymous]I’m an adoptive parent of three young adults. None came as newborns. The oldest at arrival was 7. Here’s what I can offer in answer to your questions. 
[b]
How do you feel about:

Would you recommend telling your child that they were adopted when they are young? Older? Does it depend on the age when they do get adopted?[/b]

I think it’s best to always be open and honest. That means that they should always know. I mean, unless you move to a new area where you know no one and never have contact with people who knew you didn’t have a baby, you can never keep adoption a secret. It would be awful to learn that you were adopted from someone besides your family.

[b]Do you hate the idea of “gotcha” days or celebrations honoring the day you were adopted?[/b]

We don’t celebrate. We did once and my son looked at us and said why would I ever want to celebrate that I was abandoned. We never did again. But lots of people think it’s a special day to celebrate.

[b]How do you feel about integrating the culture of the family you were adopted into? (I.E. You are for all intensive purposes Italian if the family is Italian - they then verbally express this to others and you do as well) [/b]

We don’t really have a family culture. But my immediate family (spouse and kids and me) are really close and enjoy our lives together. We have developed our own set of traditions and habits.

Thing is though, we are not all the same race and it is really important to my kids that we all remember that.

[b]Names - How do you feel about name change or incorporating the birth name?[/b]

Other than last names, we did not change names. I think that may not have been that important to them. But it didn’t feel right to me.

[b]What other details did your family overlook or miss that you wish you had experienced? [/b]

My kids are pretty open and I can’t think of anything. There are issues, like FASD with resulting permanent disabilities, and that is hard for the two that have this. Really hard sometimes. And there are attachment issues - my kids were like Velcro far longer than you would expect. They have been recently talking about that a lot - in a very good way in that they are really appreciative of our patience and gentleness with that.

Good luck in your journey. [/quote]

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