Reply to I need to get off the emotional rollercoaster with my husband’s BPD mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you already know, OP. Yes, you set boundaries for how you will/won't spend your time. Telling your husband how to spend his isn't your place, and is highly likely to backfire, but you don't have to be part of it.

"Every time your mother hoovers you back in, it hurts my heart because I know how likely it is that she's just going to discard you, again, in a few month's time. I understand you want to spend time with you mom, but I don't. You deserves consistent, respectful love and it's hard for me to be around people who aren't willing/able to show you that love. I'll be at _______. Call me when you're back home."

And then you walk. Be there for him, be willing to listen if/when he wants to debrief, but you don't have to be there to witness this anymore. You've seen enough to see the pattern, and have communicated it to him. What he does with that is his business.

I'm sorry. This dynamic is rough. He's lucky to have someone who can help him get some perspective on her mess.[/quote]
This is actually really helpful. Thanks for posting this. I know it’s what I have to do, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Im copying your script into my Notes app. Thanks again![/quote]

Glad it was helpful (minus the typos, but... yeah  :lol: ). BTDT with my ex and his family, who tried to blame me, of course. The key is not to tell him he can't see his family. That way, when they try to triangulate you into it, and make you responsible for any argument or separation that might happen, you're clear. My ex still doesn't speak to his family and we've been split for 5+ years now; clearly it wasn't me. He finally came to see his family for who and how they are, and I spoke my piece and then stayed out of it.

Knowing it's right doesn't make it easier to do, but it'll make it easy for you to sleep at night. Best of luck with it![/quote]

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