Reply to I need to get off the emotional rollercoaster with my husband’s BPD mom

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I ceased a relationship with my BIL for similar reasons and it's been fine. Better than fine, it's been really liberating and removed a huge weight from my shoulders.

I do still see him sometimes at family gatherings, but keep my distance and am simply polite. I don't get drawn into conversation.

I know at first he was very angry but my husband stood up for me and the rest of the family understood and were accepting of my choice. His mental health issues have been a family burden for decades and I spent about 10 years after first meeting him trying to maintain a functional relationship, but then there were multiple incidents over the course of a few years, including threats of violence and meltdowns while visiting our home. The last came shortly after our first child was born and the stress I felt at having him in our house with my infant daughter was intense. That was when I decided that I would simply be removing myself from the relationship.

I also think that my choice has been beneficial for my DH even though he maintains a relationship with his BIL. It has helped give DH some internal permission to set stronger boundaries and to detach emotionally from BIL. My MIL continues to be a major enabler but that's her choice. And by ending my relationship with BIL, I feel I have more bandwidth to listen to and support DH when he is dealing with challenges with his family, because I am not totally drained as I used to be when I was dealing with BIL directly.

It's been healthier for both of us, I strongly encourage you to go for it. It will be hard at first but if you stay calm and secure in your decision, eventually people will accept it.[/quote]

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