Reply to Finally separated from cheating man child husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. He has told all his friends and family that I was abusive and I terrorized him. His friends have rallied around him and even helped him cheat on me during our marriage. His mom thinks I’m toxic and rude.

Meanwhile in the past 3 years I’ve been dealing with his infidelity ( he’d stay up till 4 am drinking by himself and chatting up girls on dating apps), drinking and not working; refusing to continue ivf or have any discussions about moving forward.

I buried my father, lost 2 babies and dealt with the financial blow of his business failures while he sought escape in alcohol, music and creative endeavors and ultimately other women.

I feel really confused. [/quote]

Oh OP. Your last line - “I feel confused” - is always my mental note to acknowledge that I am dealing with a person who is trying to distort reality. Yes you are confused, because he was purposefully confusing you. No, there is no reason to try to make it make sense. All that makes sense is what you know (he is a bad person) and nobody can find that away from you. And there is no need for you to try to make any more sense out of it - even though that is what your brain naturally wants. Just tell yourself “that’s right, none of this makes sense, and that is OK”.

[/quote]

I don’t think anyone who knows me would ever believe I am “abusive.” It is preposterous! We went to marriage counseling and the therapist never mentioned that! Yes we had fights; it had to do with me wanting him to not stay up so late and drink alone; not create online dating profiles; find work or work on his business; talk with me so we can continue IVF.

He is reframing all of that as me…abusing him. And when I would he sad and cry he’d say I’m a bad person who is jealous of everyone and I can never be happy.
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