Reply to If you're on a second marriage, tell me about jt.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd like to hear people's experiences in a second marriage, specifically in how they changed what they looked for or valued in a partner based on their experiences in their first marriage.[/quote]

I think it's important to look for things that are different *because* it's a second marriage, especially with kids. For example you might be looking for someone willing and able to step-parent, and to co-parent with your specific ex, when you weren't looking for that back before you had kids. And it's super important that parenting style be aligned at the time of marriage because you'll be parenting kids who are alive now, not gradually growing into parenting together with a baby. So it's really important that the person you marry have a realistic understanding of adolescent development and typical behavior and that you both be aligned on how to parent adolescents. All too often the childless spouse is un-knowledgeable and unrealistic about this.

It's also really important that the person make good financial choices and be stable in midlife-- that's not really an expectation when someone is 25, the expectation then is that they will have time to learn it and they have time to save. Not so in midlife.

You're also looking for compatibility in whether you think this is a re-do vs a second act. If you're not aligned with each other, and with reality, then it'll go badly. Someone with young kids shouldn't marry someone who wants to have a new baby and have that baby treated as a first/only child rather than a third or fourth sibling, for example. I liked this analysis a lot: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/drpsychmomshow/episodes/Redo-vs--Second-Act-Vision-Of-Remarriage-e31b12g
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