Reply to Birthdays are so hard in a house of neurodivergents

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[quote=Anonymous]I dont think this has as much to do with neurodivergence as it does household management and expectations. But I do hear you and can relate to the big emotions and things that should be fun being difficult. For my 10 year old with adhd and anxiety that means NOT hyping things up too much. I don't include him in planning a party or ask his input or make him tell me who he is inviting. I just do it and then talk to him calmly about the plans. I sometimes withhold information, even if its a good thing and I want to be excited, because I know he gets over stimulated. Its a balance though because he also likes to be prepared and know what's coming. But the key for us is not to make it too amped. With you having adhd I can see that being an issue perhaps. Like do you jump from one topic to the next in conversation? Do you talk about something exciting too much? Can you tone it down or dish it out for them more evenly?

I cant relate to what you're talking about "tolerating siblings birthdays". You're doing something wrong there. Everyone gets a birthday and everyone is happy for that person on their birthday. It doesn't diminish your own importance or take so much priority that it should throw the house off balance. One kid can have a birthday, get a gift and get to pick the family meal, and the other kid can still be taken to soccer practice and get a book read to them at bedtime, or whatever their needs are for the day. They arent exclusive of each other, but your kids are reading it as such. Have you ever said to one "we can't do that thing for you because it's his birthday today?". What is creating the scarcity they are perceiving?

We also don't get big emotions at most other holidays because we dont do much out of the ordinary. Mothers and fathers day are cards and hugs. Valentines are candy and cards for all. The big holdiays that involve extendes family are complicated for their own reasons. But the little ones? They shouldn't be a huge deal. [/quote]

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