Reply to Caring or supporting for an elderly parent with a rotten personality

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, at the end of the day they are making their own choices. It’s imperative that you don’t sacrifice the well being of your own family to keep your parents from feeling the consequences of their actions.

Have a heart-to-heart with your husband and decide on your boundaries, and stick to them. Your sibling, despite being nearby, has the same right to set boundaries about what help they can or cannot offer your parents; if they decide to do more than you’re willing to do, that’s their choice. It’s a balancing act between living out your own beliefs system and protecting the health of yourself and you family, which you are entitled to do. Because it doesn’t sound like your parents will look out for your well-being, snd that’s something we all have to do for ourselves.

Regarding PPs comments - you can be kind and live by your values while maintaining those necessary boundaries, especially in light of the abuse you endured.

[/quote]

This. I agree with this not the person trying to guilt trip you and imply you aren't kind if you step back more. Your a parent and spouse before you are an adult child.

In my case I wasted too many years not having enough boundaries and it took it's toll on my health. It wasn't even appreciated. The more demanding and mean my mother got the more I realized I could break myself and she would not be satisfied and would insult and manipulate do nothing and she would be satisfied and would insult me. I decided the most ethical thing I could do is make sure she receives proper care, but step back more. I hired someone to manage what she needs who is trained to negotiate with challenging elderly people.

Also, no reason to get them groceries. They can use grocery delivery services and even meal delivery services. If they refuse that's on them. If the use of computer scares them, the care manager set it up. If they want to shop in person, an aide can help them. It's not your problem if they refuse all this.

They can have a cleaning person come. Again if they refuse, that's on them. They can afford it and it's not your job to sacrifice time with your children/spouse/job whatever for that.

You and your sibling are enabling them and reinforcing their poor behavior by continuing this cycle. As PP said, figure out your boundaries and as I say just make sure can get decent paid care they can afford and check on things. [/quote]

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