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[quote=Anonymous]Look, I have ADHD (I’m a woman) and I have worked on myself to figure out how to finish things that I start, I’ve worked on myself to find ways to remember things I used to forget (mantras, songs, notes, reminders). I was a mess in my teens and my 20s (dh and I met in college and married young) and dh is type A and on top of everything. I’m a lot better now, but it’s harder for me to do these things than my non adhd friends.

What gets me about these “your spouse has adhd” posts is that yes we can forget a lot of things and get distracted before finishing things but that we *can* change. It’s not a “well it’s who I am so accept me” it’s “okay, I am not fulfilling my role as equal partner so I have to work harder to be more organized, I have to work harder to get things done.” Some things come easily to me and harder to other people, this is something I have been struggling with and working on for decades.

What makes me mad is that these spouses aren’t trying to change. Is it because they don’t love you? Is it because they don’t care? Is it because you’re just doing it for them (fixing) so they don’t realize they’re doing it badly?

How do discussions go about this? Does he even know that when be does step 1 you have to do 2-4 to get it done? What’s the thing you need him to do the most right now? Let’s say it’s the trash. Tell him: babe, I need you to take the trash out to the outdoor cans AND replace the bags every single time. Doing just the one thing means I’m doing the rest. Please finish the task. Then when he gets good at trash you work on another thing.

It’s not fair on anyone in the house if you all just let it go like this. He IS capable. ADHD or not. He can work on this. [/quote]

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