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Eldercare
Reply to "living in the shadow of a difficult parent"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I jumped on the opportunity to leave my mother's sphere of influence as a young adult to study in the US for grad school, get married and have kids here. I know there are financial and filial ties that hamper a lot of people from entirely cutting off their difficult parent. I didn't cut my mother off entirely, but I did set boundaries, and living so far away from her and only talking to her at scheduled intervals materially helped with respecting those boundaries. One of the reasons I didn't cut her off was because I wanted to see my father. So I'm going to say:[b] if you're an able-bodied adult, you are responsible for your own happiness and you certainly should not wait until a parent dies to feel a sense of self-determination.[/b] [/quote] This are such words of wisdom!!It is so challenging, but necessary to do this and you have to be ready for the backlash. I am low contact and no longer allow anything abusive. The first few years there was a lot of testing boundaries and the abusive behavior escalated, but I remained firm in not responding/taking breaks. Now i have more distance, respectful, but superficial interactions and most importantly we are a happy family unit who do not look for permission from our families of origin to enjoy life.[/quote]
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