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[quote=Anonymous]I think it's important to realize that there are two goals you can have during a tantrum.

One is to make this tantrum that is going on now end.  When you talk about how time out makes things worse, I assume this is what you're talking about, wanting this tantrum to end earlier.

The other is to make the next tantrum less likely, or to make the next tantrum less intense.

In my experience, moving from focusing on the first thing to focusing on the second thing is what helps kids outgrow tantrums.

For my kid, removing all attention made the current tantrum last longer.  Without my help to regulate, he needed a lot of time to burn the tantrum off.  But it also made the next tantrum less likely, because for my kid my attention was the reinforcer.  For other kids, the reinforcer can be escape, and persisting with the demand that they are resisting, or the situation that's overwhelming them, so that they learn that tantrum does not mean escape is the solution.

I'll also say that kids don't need to make a conscious connection for a consequence to work.  If you walk away silently each time she hits you, she may hit less, even if she can't articulate that there's a connection.  [/quote]

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