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[quote=Anonymous]I am confused about advice I've gotten several times to give my child consequences when she hits me. Because she doesn't hit at school, people say that she's taking advantage of me and doing it on purpose.

But she really only hits when she's in meltdowns - she hasn't slept well the prior night, or she's all hyped up after a big playdate, so she's out of control and her rational brain is offline. When she's in control, warnings/distraction/talking to her deescalates the situation and hitting isn't a problem.

I have tried taking away screentime (She doesn't get much, 30 min a day) as well as sweets. But it just seems to make things worse, because she's not able to process it rationally and she keeps hitting. Before I know it, I've taken away sweets and screentime for several days in the course of one tantrum and totally lost my leverage for any future misbehavior in those days. And she's like "Well, why bother trying to behave, I've lost everything anyway."

Also sending her to timeout makes her more riled up and always makes the meltdowns worse. She doesn't seem to know how to handle them alone.

What kinds of consequences can help here?

And if consequences can't help, what do I do? We try to minimize disruption, but sometimes we do have a trip or late night or big celebration and I can't have her hitting every time she's feeling overwhelmed. 
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